A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is not reassuring me! She deletes stuff from her phone, deletes messages. When asked why, she tells me because she doesn't want me to know, or she doesn't want me to overreact. But... she does not seem to be doing an effort to reassure me. She even lied to me, saying that she was with her girlfriend when she was with her male friend! I'm rather sure it's only her friend, but why does she do these things, which make me doubt her and make me jealous?When I confront her she always finds situational excuses, like she had no access to this or had not time, it's hard to prove her wrong and she often turns out to be saying the truth.It is a terrible situation for me, on one hand I can't say she's a cheat - on the other hand she is making me jealous and acting as if she was hiding something!What am I supposed to do? I don't want to leave her just for acting like she is doing something wrong, yet staying with her is really hard!She often puts me in such a situation, where I'd be damned if I leave, and I'd be damned if I don't!Help!PS: I'm aware you only have my half on the story, and your opinions may be misleading. But I am curious about other people's opinions, looking at the problem from another angle.Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell she kind of manipulates me into going through her texts. I was not like this before, but her wanting to go out with another guy (to "give him a chance"), and that said guy texting her ambiguous messages for a while, and her trying to hide some things from me or acting strange when around him contributed to me becoming like that.
She might find reasons and rationalization for doing that (or not...) but it seems that every "bad" behavior from my part has roots in something she did before.
A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 Start communicating better and ask her to be calm and open to any problems you may be having and tell her you'd do the same for her. If she doesn't change, then you have a bigger problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): Your girlfriend has every right to delete messages from HER phone...it is HER phone.
She doesn't give you a detailed itemized account of her life complete with evidence...because it is HER life; she's sharing it with you (for now) because she chooses to NOT because you're entitled to.
You don't seem to like the fact that she doesn't belong to you...should she tattoo your name on her ass to "reassure" you as well?
I can assure you she's already tired of catering to your controlling crap and it's just a matter of time before she reclaims her right to her own breathing room and leaves you for good.
Hopefully this will serve as your wake-up call; just because you are someone's "boyfriend" doesn't mean you are her keeper.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe often fight after a good day. Usually she would do something that bothers me, I'd get a bit frustrated and point it out, she would then start shouting...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Dude,im going to tell you from experience. I just broke up with my ex of 3 years,just over a month ago.She did the same thing to me 18 months into our relationship,texting guys,deleting texts & phone number,strange phonecalls,lies,the "we're just friends" line etc.I gave her 3 chances,hoping things would get better,because she promised it would.It never did.I broke up with her because i caught her a 4th time.I was a fool for believing her. It will only get worse,its only a matter of time before she cheats on you,if she hasnt already.She doesnt love you.She is keeping her options open.You are not the only guy in a her life,trust me.Remember,a lie is a cover up for the truth.A true relationship is open honest & genuine.Your trust has already taken a knock.What cant she tell you?What is she hiding?Your her bf,she can tell you anything,right?I think you're slowly being played. You had better monitor this situation closely.
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A
male
reader, eek  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 if she Cant be honest with you and is hiding stuff like that talk to her about it. If she is still doing it after your chat leave her and save yourself the heart ache.
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A
male
reader, Ronnie70 +, writes (12 August 2011):
 I don't think she's making you jealous - not intentionally anyway - you're making yourself jealous by imagining all sorts of situations that she *might* be in, all in your head.
I have no idea what messages are in my partners' phone and I have no intention of looking at it. I'm not worried about it either because I trust her completely. If you can't trust her there's no hope for your relationship.
How would you feel if she insisted on looking at every text message and photo in your phone and getting upset with you for deleting any of them? Try to look at the situation from her point of view.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): To be honest, I was that kind of girl a few years ago when I was in highschool. I used to hide my phone from my boyfriend because i was not 100% honest with him. I also deleted messages and emails that other boys sent me. It was bad, i know. However it's 4 years ago, i have grown up and realised that it was absolutely disloyal.
I don't know if you are in exactly the same siatuion with the boy I was with at that time, I don't know if your girlfriend really meant what she explained but I think you should talk frankly to her, give her examples ( the old me, maybe lol) and tell her that if she loves you and has nothing to hide, then she had better be honest all the time.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (12 August 2011):
Your girlfriend doesn't seem trustworthy. Even if she doesn't want you to know, she doesn't have to delete things from her phone. You don't go through her phone, do you? If not, she should be able to trust you. Ask her to stop deleting things from her phone. Tell her that you're trying to trust her, but when she does this, it makes you uneasy and there's no need to do this when you give her her privacy. If she refuses or doesn't want to change this, then you might want to find someone else because there's no reason to do this if she's not hiding anything.
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