A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year and a half, and were really great together. Recently she says she cant trust me, when i have never done anything to ever make her not trust me. About a month ago i went home for a few days and my brother invited me out with my sister, his girlfriend and her parents. I went around their house to play games. This really upset my girlfriend because she feels like i chose them over staying at home and speaking with her online. Now she tells me that i cant do anything with them without her being there. But i dont see why because its with my family and not like im going out partying with random girls. She keeps breaking up with me over this really small thing and i dont get why?!?!?Also this girlfriend seems to be a bit 'slutty', my girlfriend sees this and thinks either i will do something with her, or she will be a bad influence on me. Now she has a really bad opinion of my brothers girlfriend even though shes never met her, only based on pictures and because of that time i went out. Im really not that sort of guy, i would never hurt her like that because i love her to bits. But i feel like recently shes telling me i either do this or its over. I dont know how to try and solve this problem without just saying "ok il never do anything with them ever". I know i shouldnt say that because its unfair, but all our arguments recently revolve around this and i dont know how to fix it. I cant break up with her, i want to try and help her change because i know shes being unfair towards me but i dont want to give up. Also if my girlfriend doesn't trust a girl, for example a friend of my friend, then i cant do anything with them because she doesn't trust that girl and thinks they might come on to me. In our relationship i have never experienced this, so i dont get why shes constantly like this. Its a real problem in our relationship because shes starting to restrict me and impulsively dumps me over these issues.Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): I think your GF is just a very lonely and insecure person. I think she is jealous of you spending time with your family. You can't help her because in her head, the problem is you. She is emotionally blackmailing you into getting what she wants. You have to distance yourself from her and tell her that her behaviour is absolutely unacceptable.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): ask yourself this. how long do you think you can put up with this behaviour, realistically ( excuse my spelling)? without trust there is NO love. if you really love someone you should have the confidence that your other half wont do anything to hurt you. she might have a shrewd idea of what love is, on the physical attraction part. but thats about it. shes got a pretty big ego if she thinks youre going to go and cheat on her with the next girl you meet, or whenever you meet a girl. shes being completely unreasonable by putting this ultimatum on you. its your family! treat others how you want to be treated. let her know how shes making you feel. dont worry about being a "strong" and silent guy who doesnt open up. its paramount for you to make your feelings clear to her. and i can pretty much see that her behaviour is breaking your heart. other then that. i stand by what janniepeg said. next time she breaks up with you, tell her shes getting the real thing this time. and it will stay permanent. because you dont need someone like that in your life. she will only cloud your judgement. make you unhappy and pressure you to abide by her rules. hope it sorts itself out mate.
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A
female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 She sounds like a very immature and manipulative person. Yes, she is manipulating you and your emotions to get her way and to have you all to herself. It won't be long before she's threatening you with suicide and self-harm. By letting her get away with this behavior, you're allowing her to control who you do and do not associate with. This "Skype" business that she's raking you over the coals for is not the issue. She's not angry at you for that night, she's only using it as ammunition for her real issue which is insecurity.This insecurity of hers is not going to go away when you cater to her every gripe and whim. It's actually going to make it worse, and instead of earning her trust and gaining more freedom from her, she will only further restrict your actions and behaviors until you are nothing of your own man anymore. I've seen it all before, time and time again, and your story will not be different.To change things, you must be the one to leave her. Tell her that it does not have to be permanent, but that you WILL NOT go back to her unless she gets some help for herself: counseling. If she refuses, then tell her that you cannot take her back, as her actions and behaviors are smothering you. This relationship is not at all fair to you. By you agreeing to give up your family for her, you're allowing her to have everything that confirms her insecurity, and not making her face it and conquer it instead.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 April 2011):
You're truly wasting your time on this girl. She's not worth the hassle or the effort.
I too put up with this from a girlfriend a few years ago. I just ended it, and as always it was the right decision.
You can't make her change, and she wont' change because she knows she has you wrapped around her finger and she'll come back.
The problem nowadays is people are so willing to accept crap treatment, that they don't care they're being made to look a fool. You need to start caring about your own pride, your own image and your own life. This girl is making you out to be a fool, and you continually play into her hands. Her behaviour is boring, it's predictable, and I've seen it all before and know that dumping her is the only option you have.
Seriously, you can either to choose to be the fools always running after and hoping she'll change, or you can get rid of her and move on to a woman who knows what she wants and isn't such a damned Drama Queen.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 Some girls want to be feel like the omnipotent figure in your life where nothing else matters. I think she is very immature. You are the one in control of your life. When she dumps you she is trying to control your life, not that she wants a break up. Tell her firmly if she does that a second time then she will get what she wants, a permanent break up.
She needs help but you are not the person to give her help. She would just see you as someone who challenges her and trying to change her, make her feel wrong. Only painful life experience can teach her something new.
She can express her feelings, but she can't just accuse because everyone is innocent until proven guilty. If I were a guy I would feel less attraction to a girl who groups all men to be sexual beasts who can't control their instincts. Be an example, a good model of how a good man you are. Honestly I think being a good man means not bothering with childish threats.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (16 April 2011):
To be honest I think you should dump her. It isn't your place to have to get her to work through this. Her behaviour is unreasonable to say the least; the really sad part is that she wanted to stop you doing stuff with your family because you should have been talking to her on Skype. To me that sort of attitude is just, well, incomprehensible, or perhaps it is better to term it immature. I am very glad that you realise you haven't done anything wrong, and I do hope you don't let this gf of yours come between you and doing family stuff.She also sounds very judgemental, although I imagine that at the heart of it she is probably just extremely insecure. My advice to you would be next time she dumps you to let her and not get back in touch. Apart from anything else that sort of repeated dumping is silly, and very destructive. I think she needs time on her own to work through her issues. I also don't think it's fair on you to have to put up with them.
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