A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I (25) have been with my girlfriend now for 6 months and we are very very serious.. She (24) was a bit promiscuous in the past but has now devoted herself to me!! She still is friends with these guys and had some pictures of them on her computer that I erased. She says those guys were a mistake but she still holds on to those memories. Should I be worried??Please Help Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 You should not have earased the pictures...it was a great opportunity to test her loyality to you. You should have asked her to remove them fromher computer to see if she was serious about being devoted to you.
Her past is part of what makes her who she is, the person you are attracted too.
If you are morally against her lifestyle, and would not have lived it yourself given the chance, then your relationship will not work on a deep fundamental level, and best to end it now.
-Frank B Kermit
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 Hi buddy. No - you don't need to be worried. You have managed to erase her photos but have been unable to erase her memories. I would suggest E.C.T. as this affects memories but the only problem is it's not permanent. I'm not an expert but what about a lobotomy? And there is also something involving a "gamma knife."
Now to be serious. I have no doubt you love her very much. But somehow you're going down the wrong track. The love you feel for her is somehow moving into an "ownership of an item" or a "treasured possession." Like a car. I don't know if I can get this point across to you but I'll try:
For the moment forget sex. Forget she has boobs and a pussy. She is a person. A person just like you. Part of you is sexual. But a lot of you isn't. Now use the part of your brain that isn't sexual and think about her as another human being who isn't sexual. Think about her in this non-sexual way as you consider all yours and all her human (non sexual) aspects. Step by step, think about her strengths and her weaknesses and your own. Consider different parts of yourself and hers. Keep thinking of as a human being.
Hope this has helped a little. (Don't forget to put the sex stuff back).
Richard
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (22 November 2007):
 Women learn from there past, she will always rememberthose incidents, however as she says, your her main man now. What is in her past is exactly that, in her past. You have no right to keep dragging it up and making her feel guilty about stuff that happened then. its not happening now so what are you worried about?
I have a lot of fond and not so fond memories of guys I used to date, but that doesnt mean that by remembering them I am in any way being unfaithful to or endagering my marrage.
Its great she has good memories of other relationships, its a promising sign for your own.
If you are concerned she may still love these guys, she may welkl do, but not in the same way she loves you. Be pen and honest with her and she will be with you, Ask her if she harbours secret desires for these men. Im sure she will tell you point blank no, but you never know. At least if you ask her straight, honestly and openly (not aggressive or negative) she will be honest and open with you too.
I suspect though that the fact she has these guys in her past is not a problem, I think the problem is with you and trust, maybe you should address these issues?
I hope I have been of some help.
Love, Issy xxx
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (22 November 2007):
 What is your definition of promiscuous? What did you accomplish by erasing the pictures?
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