A
male
age
36-40,
*ornApart
writes:My girlfriend drinks excessively and then treats me bad. In the year we have been dating she has thrown a plastic cup in my face, came to visit me and left for the whole day to party with her friends b/c she got pissed and then called me crying uncontrollably to pick her up, took a swing at my ex, punched me in the face because she was mad at me and then the next day said she would never hurt me like that again, and then two months later she violently pushes me claims I said things that I didn't throws up in my apt and then cries in the shower with her clothes on. She has also tried to tell me who I can't hang out with. I let her stay at my apt. for 5 months and everytime I tried to calmly tell her to leave she got pissed off. Finally she has moved out and I broke up with her. I feel like I have given her more than enough chances. Everyone I have talked to says that it's not right the way she has treated me. I think she needs help of some kind b/c I have never seen anyone act like that when they are drunk. We have been broken up for a week now and she says that if I really love her, which I do, we should try to work everything out. I feel like I am tired of forgiving her and don't think things will change. She has asked me whether she should wait on me or to start dating other people and I hate it b/c it has only been a week. I still love her but with everything that has happened I know I shouldn't be with her, but it hurts so bad especially when we talk about it and she practically begs me to take her back. I hate hurting her and making her unhappy, but I know I have to be happy too... Should I try to work things out with her or should I just leave her alone completely? Any advice about my situation would be useful, thank you
View related questions:
broke up, drunk, moved out, my ex, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): My heart bleeds for you!!! I can say I know exactly where you are coming from!!! I can tell you from years of experience that this girl is an ALCOHOLIC and if you aren't already, you will soon become what is called a codependant person and will be in such an emotional state that it will take YOU years to recover!! I have learned that you alone are the only person taking care of you and you have to make the decisions in life that are best for you and I can truly say RUN--RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!! Yes, she does need help and I'm glad you can see that but......can and does she realize this and is she willing to get the help and give up the current friends she has now? Once an alcoholic----ALWAYS an alcoholic!!! They are never cured---they are in remission only as long as they abstain from drinking. It only takes one drink and they are off and running again. Do you want to continue feeling guilty for the feelings that you have a right to feel? And do you want to be the one that is blamed for her slip ups? Oh if you hadnt done so and so I wouldnt have went to the bar! Yeah right!!! Something to keep from taking responsibility for her actions and it will always come up your fault!! If you truly love her and want it to stay that way, I suggest you let her go because you will eventually lose sight of who you really are and end up despising the very air she breaths.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): Young man, it seems you're on the right track. She needs help. If she loves herself, she would find help. If she wants to make things work between the two of you, she needs to get help. Not only for your relationship as well as herself.
If hurts even more breaking up with her but like you said, you have to be happy too however, you still love her. What can you do but be there for her?
She needs help and she needs to admit it.
Find yourself, make yourself happy. Let her show you things will change before getting back together (if you chose to).
...............................
A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (7 March 2007):
 You need to end this now. She is not the girl for you. If she hurt you once you could forgive her but she has done it over and over again. It seems she is very selfish and is using emotional blakmail to try and get you back. She doesnt deserve you . I know that you are really hurting at the moment but in time you will get over her and meet someone who will treat you well. She needs help but it is not up to you to get it for her. She needs to find this out for herself. I would cut all ties with her and get on with your life.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (7 March 2007):
She has got issues that she needs to deal with. If you allow the relationship to continue you will allow her to get away without dealing with her issues. If you really love her, you will not take her back.
You should tell her that you cannot have a relationship with someone who has drinking and behavioural problems. She will then be able to decide whether to work on these problems, or whether she just finds some other sucker to take her in and put up with them.
You cannot and should not promise to take her back if she has changed, because, realistically, it will take her a long time to change, if she ever does, and you have your own life to lead. Once you have gotten over the hurt of losing her, you will find someone else, hopefully someone mature and loving.
...............................
A
female
reader, Patient1 +, writes (7 March 2007):
 Wow, I know your situation all to well. My husband is an alcoholic and I've dealt with a lot of the same issues. We have been together for 6 years, but the past 2 years have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. See, it really depends on what type of alcoholic you're dealing with. You ex sounds like a violent and depressed alcoholic. My husband has become one also. The main thing that you have to remember here is that they have to want to change for themselves before they can change for anyone, even those whom they love the most. My situation is a little different because it was a progressive process and we now have 2 kids. I grew up around alcoholics all my life, so I've experienced many aspects of alcoholism. When I married my husband he was a social drinker, now I'm married to an alcoholic and it's the hardest part of my life that I have to deal with. You're best bet is to cut all ties NOW! If you keep giving them chances, they keep taking them. And if she is already asking you if she should start dating other people, then where is the committment on her part there? Trust me on this one, I know what I'm talking about. You could be so much happier with someone who your more compatible with. She needs help, and until she gets it she will only get worse. I am on the verge of leaving my husband, but he has recently gotten a DUI so they are making him go to ASAP and transition classes. I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and if this doesn't help him, I know nothing will, and I WILL cut my ties with him. He will be able to see his children under supervision and that's about it. You would think that love would be a good enough reason for them to quit, but once the addiction sets in, it's just not enough anymore. Save yourself from anymore emotional damage from her. She didn't worry about your feelings when she put you through all that hell, so I wouldn't worry about hers right now. You have to do what's best for you, because nobody else can. Good Luck and God Bless!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): hey bud,
listen i have been going through the same thing for the last year and a half. I have been treating my girl like a princess with the odd slip up and she has been horrible to me no matter what i did she would be evil to me and i could never understand why. When i tried to leave she would cry and tell me how things would change. My advice to u is no matter what you do things will never change. she needs to be left alone you don't deserve this you may still love her but over time you will start to suffer from a low self-esteem like i do cause of this girl. move on you deserve better and u will find better trust me. Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, Kody +, writes (7 March 2007):
If she treats you like that you dont need her you can always find someone esle sombody better
...............................
A
female
reader, wickedrachel +, writes (7 March 2007):
 Hi there, from my situation, i would say to her to get help and completed before even considering to take her back. It will wreck your self-esteem, yes you may love her, but also if she loves you she will help herself to get help then maybe it will help you. Time is a great healer, and she needs time alone to sort out her problems. as these should never be occuring during a relationship. you took her into your home and she still done it, whether youlove her and she loves you, shes needs help quickly, you can support her but be clear of your terms, get help or get outhope this helpsrachel
...............................
|
