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*3Tz
writes: Hi, this is my first attempt at something like this so please bear with me, and thanks for anyone who replies.Me and my X would have been together for 3 years in August. We have had are fair share of ups and downs, and we are both to blame. Myself I come from a working background, my x comes from a non working (lazy) background. She is left with no family apart from her mother. About 8 weeks ago her mom left the country (England) to move to Egypt to find love, she left her daughter on her own, my x moved into her moms x bf, she couldn't move into my moms house(I'm 20) because my mom feels she does not try to pull her weight, but anyway it's my mom's house soI cannot argue. My x does not work or do anything. About 6 weeks ago she tried to take her life by an overdose. and I was the only person that she knew who went out looking for her at 4am in the morning, but anyway found her. She recovered. I'm going on a bit, I'm sorry, but basically I'm a romantic guy at heart and I love her a lot, but she does not make an effort with me. She won't phone, she doesn't do much if not anything? But yet I still love her.I got her an engagement ring but, as women do, they have a nose for these things and she managed to find it. One week later she said we either get engaged or there is no us?I have nobody whoI can talk to or relate to this. My friends don't really like her.I don't know what else to say.I guess I love her but I don't feel loved back. But I can't let go because she will be on her own and I don't want to let go because I can see us being happy together
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reader, M3Tz +, writes (17 May 2005):
Thanks very much for the great replies. I just don't know what is right. I love her very much but I don't know if I love her as in marriage love or because I care for her? I guess when I go to sleep I dream of us doing stuff together. We can do anything and be happy. I asked her to go counseling but she took offense to it. I think I have a dream in my head of us being happy and perfect and that dream keeps making me stay with her. She also says us getting engaged will make her change. She will get a job and try harder. I'm starting to get depressed myself because I have work stress and I want someone to be there for me too.Ahh you just don't know what to do :( help me..
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2005): Hey,I know what you are going through in some ways. But what you need to do is think about do you really see yourself with her in the long run? Can you see yourself always doing every little detail in life while, according to you, she does nothing? When a girl gives you and ultimatum, it for the most part means she either wants to break up or if she does not get exactly what she wants {in your case to marry you} she will flake. I know that this might hurt a bit but do you really love her or are you infatuated with the idea of being in love? I know that I dont know you but I would bail. NO matter what you do not need someone that you will always worry about and a person who gives a an ultimatum.
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reader, rphillips +, writes (17 May 2005):
Don't ask her to marry you. Not yet anyway. She needs help. Professional help. Anyone who can try to take their own life is seriuosly depressed. Tell her you love her, but you want her to get counseling. Tell her you will go with her. Then if and when the doctor thinks it is a good idea, and if you still love her, then ask her to marry you.And if she doesn't agree, well, I am sorry. But she doesn't work, she doesn't go to school, and she sounds like she is in a dark place in her life. Do you really want to marry someone like that?
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