A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I let my girlfriend go to her ex-boyfriend's graduation/house party?First of all, let me start by saying I don't have a problem at all with my girlfriend going to parties or having guy friends. But I'm not so sure i can feel the same about her ex-boyfriend.. I have an extreme history of hatred towards this guy, Let me start by saying he's a complete horndog, and i know all he ever wants is sex. i've never liked him and my girlfriend knows this. Heres why, It started off when we first met, she would tell me about stories about her ex and how they would make out and do other stuff. Then i finally met him at a homecoming football game(Our first date). At first i noticed how my girlfriend was flirting with him (Smiling, laughing, standing extremley close to him, sticking her chest out), I completely ignored it but it still kind of hurt my feelings. That school year she had a few classes with him, i noticed she would come out of class with him everyday laughing and smiling(I would wait for her). I thought nothing of it, but of them being good friends. But one day she told me that he had shown her his dick in class. This severely upset me but i was too big of a bitch to do anything about it so i let it go. A couple of weeks later i was in her room when i found a sexual note written between my girlfriend and her ex on her floor, talking about the incident in class. I let that go too. And finally one of the more recent times is when i had noticed my girlfriend was constantly texting him when i was at her house. I confronted her with this and told her that i didnt think that was okay. So she cried and apologized and deleted his number(But later added it back) but while i was confronting her all she did was take up for the guy, saying he was a "good guy". To this day she always says good things when his name is brought up. i have always wanted to kick this guys ass, i cant stand him or when my girlfriend talks about him.Me and my girlfriend are very much in love, but i'm concerned about her having feelings for her ex. I used to talk to a few ex's of mine(As friends) But it made my girlfriend upset, so i delteted their numbers and to this day i continue to ignore them. Why cant she respect my feelings like i did hers? And why do i feel like the asshole for setting boundaries? I have yet to talk to my girlfriend about these insecurities and im afraid to tell her that i dont want her to go to that party.. what do i do? p.s (Drinks will be served at the party)
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 June 2010):
I agree with C. Grant. You've taken a lot from this girl, to be fair, and she's not listening to your concerns at all. I'd tell her straight that you've put up with her flirting, you've put up with the sexual note, but it's time for her to have some respect for you. If she does't listen, then just dump her. Too many people allow themselves to be trodden on by crappy partners. If she doesn't have the respect to listen and not go, then dump her. You can do better.
A
female
reader, Sakuracherry  +, writes (5 June 2010):
I don't think its very fair that she gets to text and flirt with her ex but you can't talk to yours.
I think to make things fair and equal, you should crash that party with your ex in tow JOKING!
If you are that worried, you can either go to the party with her, or you both go on a date elsewhere that night. Your gf going without you to that party is just inviting trouble. If she is not sensitive enough to care how you feel about it, why should you give her your heart? There are many girls out there who will think a world of you and who will only have eyes for you and respect your feelings.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 Your concerns sound completely justified. You've tried very hard to be mature, to not be in her face, and to cut her slack. You may, in fact, have gone to far in being accommodating. You've hit the nail on the head when you use the word 'respect.' She's not showing you any.
Kicking his ass, while probably satisfying in the short run, won't help you. The problem is with her. If she shut the guy down he wouldn't be doing this stuff. She's encouraging him. If you've explained all this to her and she's still doing it, then your love for her may be misplaced.
The party sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
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