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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: We had a friends with benefits type thing for a while. He said it was because we live too far apart and I accepted that. Now he's dating a girl who lives near him but still wants to sleep with me. He calls me "hot" etcI feel ugly :(I'm not easy and I don't sleep around. I haven't slept with him since he's been with her. He's asked me for photos of myself. Why would he want that if he's with her? I'm 5'7 and 126 pounds with red hair and green eyes. She's blonde and probably perfect. I feel so down about myself. Even if people call me pretty or whatever I know they're lying.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): Dear OP
Far from attacking someone who has posted a response to your question and suggesting he re-reads your post, you perhaps need to stand back and really look at what he (and others are saying).
You attacked him for suggesting you were "easy" despite what you said in your post because you are not sleeping with this guy while he is in a relationship.
Good for you, and quite right. But you are missing the point he was making. In many people's eyes, literally sleeping with someone with no feelings involved/friends with benefits/fuck buddies IS being easy. This guy had no interest in you, other than adding you to the notches on his bedpost. You were happy to just lie there and let him gets his kicks when he cares nothing for you.
I'm afraid some people - even if you don't - would regard that as easy and sleeping around.
No need to attack him.
You've had good advice. FWBs rarely ever works out pleasantly. Steer clear of them. The only way to stop feeling ugly is not to let any guy use you solely for sex.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 August 2011):
 You may not be easy in the sense of " promiscuous" but surely you have given him easy convenient access to no strings sex by getting involved into an FWB type situation- which apparently was not what YOU wanted because you wanted more.
So , even if you are not sexually easy, you maybe too easily pliable and easily inducible to do what you do not really want. A dangerous inclination, but one luckily that's never too late to correct. Starting from,like, NOW.
In this light, all your post does not make a lot of sense. Who cares if she is blonde and you are a redhead ? What does it matter WHY he has a gf but still wants to sleep with you ? How does this concern you ?- don't waste time in figuring out what he wants. The important is what you want.
What do YOU really want ? Do you want to be the casual sextoy of a guy who is already taken ? Then go ahead and say yes.
Do you want to be respected and only be in a relationship with someone who cares about you ? Then stop letting him manipulate you, stop lapping up the attention, ignore his messages, in fact block them, and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDid you actually read my post? I HAVE NOT slept with him since he's been with her. I'm not easy so get your facts right.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): If you "were not easy" and you "didn't sleep around" then you wouldn't be in a FWB with a guy in the first place. This problem exists because you are sleeping with someone outside of a committed relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): You may indeed be very attractive and it sounds like you are based your measurements and the feedback you've had from others. However his reason for saying you're 'hot' is to flatter you into giving him what he wants. And the reason he wants photos of you is the sme reason he probably downloads (or at least watches) porn. This is not a reflection of you, but of what it is he wants from you.Women are not people to him. They are a resource. In his mind they provide sexual pratification, flattery, status, comfort and sometimes gifts and favours (non sexual - such as laundry, running errands or making phone calls or looking things up for him), without needing much in return. When they do need something they are are an inconvenience.So far you've might the right decision by not sleeping with him. Continue on that right path by cuitting ties with him and blocking his phone number and email address. Do not get into any discussions with him. It's a pointless waste of time and it only puts you at risk of giving in.
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A
female
reader, Elydiese  +, writes (30 August 2011):
of course he's going to come back to you for sex thats what you were to him before why would that change if he has a girlfriend and alse can get whatever he wants from you
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 I'm guessing here that you really thought he would forget about the FWB part and fall in love with you like you are with him? Am I right?
I personally don't understand the FWB idea. I think sex is a personal special thing that you should only do with someone you are in love with and who loves you back. Move away from this relationship and find someone who will love and cherish you the way you deserve to be loved. You are beautiful, you are special and you should be with someone who appreciates and adores you not someone who just wants to screw you when it suits him.
Throw back your shoulders doll and put a confident smile on your face and go out into the world a new and beautiful person who is loved and respected.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 This isn't about what you look like. It really doesn't matter if you're 126 pounds or "hot", and really, listing that makes you look like you're the one obsessed with your looks instead of your ex. The way you look has absolutely nothing to do with this situation.The problem is the fact that you already know that if you slept with him, you'd be helping him cheat on her when you KNOW he is dating someone else. How would you feel if YOU were the girlfriend, and your boyfriend slept with his ex-fuck buddy when -she knew- he was with you? That's just low.Block him OFF your phone. He's a slimeball and you need to do some self-reflection and figure out why you are entertaining the possibility of going through with his scheme to hurt his innocent girlfriend. At your age, I really am disappointed that you haven't figured out how to properly deal with scumbags like him.
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