A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Since December 21 I've been intimate with someone. He knew I liked someone else but me being conflicted didn't know if I'd act on it or not. After our second sexual encounter I asked him if he wanted to date me he declined saying he just wanted to be friends with sex. I agreed to it Telling him if he changed his mind, to tell me if he wanted more. I was up to anything. We continued to have hookups. Him not telling me he wanted more - the other guy I liked asked me for sex I decided to do it because i was under the impression that the first guy only wanted to be FWB. I am very honest with the first guy. I ended up telling him of the second guy and my doing. Apparently the first guy grew feelings for me and decided that day he was going to ask me to date him until he heard of the sexual escapade. Should I feel guilty? I appolgized, begged for forgiveness but then I ask myself, why ? We weren't dating. I mean I can't read minds I assumed that's what he wanted from me was just sex. I feel horrible that I hurt him but I feel like he should have disclosed his feelings once he started feeling like he wanted more than FWB. Do I give him space? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2019): He's LYING!! Don't go back to him. He's a manipulator. A relationship with him would be a nightmare. Be happy you know in advance. Go no contact. He just wants to use you.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 January 2019):
 I agree with the others. He is full of crap. You didn't hurt his feelings, or he would STILL act on his feelings to date you. You have nothing to apologize for, and like the others have said, who else you sleep with, or the fact that you were sleeping with anyone else, is none of their business. FWB means NO STRINGS ATTACHED.
As for his "feelings", he is feeling territorial in terms of his ego, nothing more. You are the bone, and he's the chihuahua growling at the other men who want to try to get his bone. However, if he were to see a bigger or better bone, he would quickly abandon the bone he has.
Don't apologize anymore. Tell him he better move on you if he was serious, and if it's too late and you're no longer interested in him, then block him and move on. You violated no relationship boundaries because there was NO relationship.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 January 2019):
 Yes, all the space in the world. You know the saying, "you snooze, you lose"? Well, here is a prime example.
I very much doubt he had really decided to date you. He is just saying that because his nose has been put out of joint because - shock, horror! - you had had sex with another guy.
This guy has no claim on you. You offered to date but he turned you down. Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, feel guilty. His situation is of his own making. He's happy to offer you nothing but sex while he thinks he has no competition. Once he finds he is not the only guy in the picture, he suddenly pretends you have hurt him.
In your shoes, I would decide which of these two guys you want to try to make a go of things with, then get rid of the other one. If the first guy is the loser, then he only has himself to blame. He had first refusal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2019): Oh, pleeeeezzzz! Let me tell you something about the male-ego and our pride. We don't like sharing the people we have sex with. He conveniently gets upset; but yet he didn't want to seriously date you?!! Gimme a break!!!
He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Keeping the option open that he can get a fresh and new vagina when he felt like it; but still wanted to know he had someone available who still actually gave a rat's pa-tootie about him.
Just the fact that people have FWB situations; is mainly because they have trust-issues, commitment-phobias, difficulty believing love is real; and/or their hormones are out of control.
Like anybody else, they want real love; but try to settle for sex with a friend. Thinking they won't feel heart-broken or betrayed. Well, they DO end-up feeling heart-broken and betrayed...or just jealous! In this case, HE'S JUST JEALOUS!!!
Stop groveling to him!!! It's beneath your dignity! He's pulling a number on you!
As usual, one or both F-buddies develop feelings; but it's usually the guy who tries to be the player in the situation. When the female is the player, she's usually trying to make her F-buddy jealous; to see if there may be some hidden feelings he won't divulge. She may not reciprocate those feelings; but it feels good to be loved, and it's an ego-booster. It rockets her self-esteem over the moon!
He's just disturbed somebody trespassed on his property. You'll be going back and forth with this player; until you're both wearing dentures and walking with walkers!
Get out and find yourself a real relationship and stop playing games!
Take that "Occupied" sign off your vagina; and stop allowing yourself to be used and owner-occupied like somebody's piece of real-estate. He's being possessive, and smitten with jealousy. His ego doesn't like it. It has nothing to do with how he feels about you. You're old enough to know better about these things. Stop fooling around with your heart before you break it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2019): Stop telling people you are "dating" about who you are having sex with or not. You are too old for that my dear. Value yourself and do not this to yourself. those men are using you. Dont you see it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2019): Sorry OP but are you actually still having sex with this "man"??!!! Value yourself! Have some self esteem and kick his sorry ass...This man is using you and do not have any respect. Think this: Do I need this? Do I deserve this? You know the answer NO.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 January 2019):
 EDIT..
Should have been N91 LOL Sorry!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 January 2019):
I agree with B91
I think he is full of shit. And I think YOU are TOO old for this kind of screwing around in hopes of it leading to a relationship.
Should you feel guilt that you had sex with someone besides your FWB? No. You weren't dating, you weren't exclusive, you were JUST two adults who should know better than to treat sex as if it doesn't MEAN anything.
Do you give him space, YES a wide berth!
And IF you are looking for a REAL EXCLUSIVE ADULT relationship then stop dicking around like a teenager. Don't HAVE casual sex and hope it LEADS somewhere, it rarely does. Same with guy #2. WHY on EARTH would you settle to be his booty call if you are interested in him?
Neither of these men were really treating you like you are more than a casual hole to stick their penis in when they can't find someone else. Why would a GROWN ASS woman settle for that?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (10 January 2019):
 He’s lying. What a huge coincidence that he was going to ask you that very day!
Sounds like he is trying to reel you back in under his control as he knew you wanted something more serious whereas he enjoyed the no strings sex. He probably thought he was going to lose you knowing you were sleeping with someone else so spun you a bit of bullshit to get you back, which seemed like it worked with you apologising until you then saw sense and that you hadn’t done anything wrong as you weren’t exclusive.
If YOU want something serious, I really wouldn’t advise getting into FWBs as they’re just drama waiting to happen. I hope you’re using protection if you’re sleeping with multiple people in a short timescale also.
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