A
female
age
30-35,
*yDaysOnceRevolvedAroundYou
writes:Hi,I’m really stressed about my father in law to be. He has been breaking the lockdown rules with his two daughters and their partners the whole way through this third lockdown. However, me and my fiancé have been sticking to the rules, I’ve been classed as clinically extremely vulnerable as I have a severe lung condition.He gets angry a lot about my partner sticking to the rules because his other two adult children don’t. My partner has tried explaining that he wants to keep me safe but he just doesn’t seem to get it.They work together (obviously in a COVID safe way) and he goes home for lunch but sits outside while they sit inside, so obviously they talk but at a distance. His family are always making nasty remarks and asking him why he is doing it, when actually he’s the only one following the rules (ok not to the letter obviously but mostly).I really don’t know what to do about this situation as I feel like it’s really causing a rift within the family now. I don’t want to give in when it could cause me severe illness, I’ve only had one vaccine and will get my next in around 10 weeks. I just don’t get why after we’ve waited all this time to see them already, why it would make sense to break the rules now? Just makes it feel like a waste but after much abuse from his family, my partner is super stressed about it and wants to start getting back to normal now, we’ve argued about it and I just don’t know what to do, please help... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2021): Why do people feel so intimidated and beholden to people who defy covid-19 health safety-precautions? Let me put it simpler. Why risk your own life scared of people who don't give a hoot about you or themselves???
There are nasty (stupid) people out there who bully and push people around; because of what they believe in, and because they are misinformed or uninformed about the danger of the virus. Regardless of that, we all have the right to do what we have to do to protect ourselves, our families, the vulnerable; and to prevent the spread of the more infectious strains of corona virus. You've heard what the medical experts and epidemiologists have explained and instructed us to do...SO DO IT!
Let the foolish be foolish, and stop pandering and lollygagging when we know the lethal outcome of taking unnecessary risks. Let his dad make snide comments, or just knuckle-under and die! You and your fiancé have a choice. The others choose to shuck the rules and take the risks. You've chosen to protect yourself. My dear, that seems to be a no-brainer!
If people only love you only under the condition you always agree with them, and do what they do; they don't really love you, they only demand obedience or compliance as a condition to tolerate and control you. If they really love you, they may disagree; but they will respect your decisions and choices that you know to be in your best interest. You may get approval through relenting under pressure; but when people know all it takes is bullying you, that's what you'll endure from now on and forever. No matter what others do, you do what is right and safe. God's got your back! Those religious folk who tempt the hand of God by ignoring warnings; well, let them face their Creator at the time of judgement and explain it. God gave us doctors and science; but He gets all the glory and honor, because all truth comes from HIM!
This is where you learn to stand-up for what you know is right. Jesus Christ Himself warns those who seek righteousness will be persecuted. "Many are the afflictions of the righteous." You have to be courageous in the face of ostracism, criticism, and opposition. People will not always agree with your opinion, values, or your views. Some will go out of their way to force their beliefs on you, even through violence. If you don't have courage, pray for it. God protects those who are weak, and under persecution from those who mean us harm.
It's up to your fiancé to do what he knows is necessary to protect his and your health. It's up to you to stand-up for your own rights. You have a lifetime ahead of you, and you now see how belligerent and obstinate people will be; because it's now chic and widely acceptable to be ignorant, a bully, and hateful. It's a matter of survival; or just cower, and let people walk all over you.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (16 February 2021):
 The most prolific casualties of this whole Covid thing have been relationships. The uncertainty and constant changes of direction where guidelines are concerned have put tremendous stress on many people and how they relate to others. So sad that, at a time when most are suffering in one way or another and everyone should be understanding and as kind as possible, the opposite seems to be happening and people are turning on each other.
People who choose to follow all the guidelines are being called sheep and being accused of not being able to think for themselves but blindly believing everything in the mainstream media. People who choose to try to carry on living their lives as "normally" as possible are accused of being stupid and murderers. It appears that "never the twain shall meet".
I completely understand why you want to shield yourself but you cannot demand others do the same. Everyone has to live their lives according to their own beliefs and their conscience. Whether your in-laws hold the same beliefs as you is not as important as whether they have empathy towards you and your condition. If not, then the future may be tough for you. Your fiance is stuck in the middle and trying to keep both sides happy while not actually making either side happy. Perhaps you need to think long and hard about your future in this family.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 February 2021):
 I fully agree with Code Warrior,
It's the "live and let live" attitude you need to adapt. If isolating yourselves (you and your partner) WORKS for you two, then do so. You can't control your in-laws.
And you might also consider that your partner is not the right guy for you. I get that he wants to see family, he will have to chose if he thinks risking YOUR health is worth it.
I don't blame your partner for wanting to go back to "normal" WE ALL do!
We are constantly bombarded with all kind of misinformation. First masks were bad and only for Frontline workers, then we ALL had to wear them out in public, then some decided 2 MASKS was the thing, then they are deemed useless (unless YOU are contagious) etc. etc.
Which is why some people are tired of this and why some just stick to whatever rules have worked for them so far.
If your partner wants to see his family, then figure out HOW he can self-isolate before being around you again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2021): I would say that there isn't a soul on earth who hasn't been affected by the covid virus in some way.IA vast amount of people have simply passed away and you are entitled to be concerned.However it sounds as if his dad is taking a macho approach. He believes it couldn't possibly happen to him!Sadly this virus is disproportionately cruel to those with underlying health conditions and your health condition puts you in the extremely vulnerable group..The kindest thing you can do is to insist that your husband understands the risk you will be at if you catch the virus.You are safer now that you have had the first immunisation shot but you still need to be precautious.I would be blunt during arguments and say things like: 'It will be me whose coughing up blood if things go wrong.'Hubby clearly values you and wants to keep you around but his old man is trying to use seniority to win the arguement.Some people just don't understand the nature of the risk so you must keep them at a distance.You can't afford to be influenced by anyone's lack of knowledge on this as they will be the first to be remorseful if there should be a case of infection that could have been avoided.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2021): Who cares what his family thinks.He is sticking up for you for taking your lung condition serious.He has your back.That is what a man is supposed to do.Lucky girl to have a man like that.Bask in the love he has for you.After you get your next shot still be careful and take precautions. The shot is not guaranteed with all the different strains out there.Let the haters hate you just stay safe.Keep that man!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2021): Hi
You stick to your rules and tell them to leave you out of their idiotic selfish gatherings. You already have a severe lung condition, do not take the risk and certainly do not be intimidated or feel guilty about his selfish family.
You have a lung condition and need to protect yourself, seriously, there is no room for compromise on this one.
This always makes my blood boil, when people like this try and drag other people down the rabbit hole.
Don't they think people are far worse off than them, that are totally alone and could not even say goodbye to their dying family members in hospital.
Make it very clear to your partner that if he is not prepared to shield/protect you, then he must stay away from you until the pandemic is over.
I would not want to marry a wimp who is so scared of his family's' snide remarks, that he is willing to put somebody very vulnerable(YOU!!!) who he is supposed to protect, at risk.
Time to look after your own health, if he won't, and stay well away. You are not covered just because you have had one of the injections.
We all know the score or supposedly, who else do his siblings come into contact with? who do their partners see, do they wash their hands, and so on and so on.
This is REAL!!!!!!!!!!
Like I said on an earlier post on here, my family OF young nieces and nephews (20'30'S) and brother all caught covid Xmas time because of the one day mixing allowed. 13 all in all, after it spread to others. My brother has now been left with long covid unable to work, 3 nieces needed hospital when they could not breath, another 2 coughing up blood, and struggling to climb stairs ( all young and fit healthy) one nearly lost her baby, no underlying conditions with any of them .All have made it through but many don't.
Think of the NHS and support it's staff by sticking to the rules. There is no normal, and your partner can not set the rules (we are in lockdown for A REASON) so he say's he wants to get back to normal, so does EVERYBODY he's not the only person.
My father died in the first lockdown, days before and we could not even have a normal funeral for him 5 people allowed, not ONE of his many grandchildren could attend, or other close family, no photographs or flowers allowed and STILL my fathers ashes are not scattered because of bubbles of six last summer, but I get it! don't like it, but I get it!. Many funerals took place with NOBODY allowed. Many died in hospitals with NOBODY around and people whinge about having to go it alone for a bit and know they will see there family again ( we won't).
Your partner is WRONG! and his family are WRONG! and you are wrong if you let them all PUT YOU at risk and others.
You have one life, maybe you need to look ahead at what this marriage would be like most times and the interference of his family.
Call him out on it or walk (while you can) My brother struggles walking now! COVID IS REAL. It may be ushering in something else that none of us want and can sense, but the VIRUS is VERY REAL.
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