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male
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anonymous
writes:Please help! I am in a situation I haven't been in before and I don't know what to do.I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a few years and living together. I had some health problems for quite a long time so wasn't working or studying and was at home almost all of the time.Now that I am better I have began some study, and for the first time in years have started to make new friends. I have made about five good friends from my class and one of them is also gay. We had become friends before we even knew each other was gay.of him.I have been and continue to be committed, faithful and dedicated to my boyfriend. He has never had any reason to doubt me, and I have never doubted him. Now that I have a friend who is gay he has gone all funny and in a really terrible way.He says it is because of a past relationship which must have been unfaithful. He also said he can't help feeling like this and probably would whoever he was with and that it wasn't me personally. Neither of these comments helped! I have done nothing wrong, and I mean absolutely nothing. In fact if anyone has done something wrong it is my boyfriend, but he is making me feel like I've committed a crime.What does one do in this sort of situation? I like having a gay friend as it is nice to have friends who are similar to oneself, but it isn't worth it if it damages my relationship with my boyfriend. When I say this my boyfriend says that it would be wrong for him to dictate who my friends are, but what choice do I have? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the advice. I have spoken to my boyfriend about it and he is aware he's being unreasonable.
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female
reader, endlesssong  +, writes (21 March 2007):
 Sit him down and explain to him that he's simply just a friend. Tell him you love him, and that you'd be friends with this guy whether or not he was gay or straight. I think everyone is entitled to be friends with who they want. I'm sure he'll see he's just being silly. But its the same with any relationship, I can't go get upset because my boyfriend has friends that are straight women, so he shouldn't get upset either.
If your guy hasn't met your friend yet, maybe that might be a good idea too. Let him get to know your friend, he may find out he likes him as a friend too! And if he has, just have a hang out with you guys. Your boyfriend should be able to see just by the way you act towards your friend vs him that there is nothing going on or nothing that will.
I wish you luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2007): It does seem really odd. Is your boyfriend homophobic? Have you noticed any anti-gay attitudes before? Couples never totally agree on each others friends, but you should draw the line at him telling you who you can have as friends. Is there any chance that your boyfriend is uncomfortable because he had a past gay experience? That might be a reason why he is uncomfortable around him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2007): He is feeling very insecure with this new found friend of yours. You have to ignore this because you are not doing anthing wrong. I think he feels in the future you and this guy will start developing feelings for one another. Look, you have just recovered from a long illness and now you are studying and making new friends. You are doing everything positive and just continue on that path. Sorry I was not much help but there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. Good Luck!!!!
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