A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have friends who I don't think I can be friends with anymore. They don't accept me for who I am and I am sure they talk behind my back! I am not good at confronting people. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, teiliababy +, writes (10 September 2009):
 well there is no need to be friends with somebody if they cant except you for who you are that's the hole point of having friends is that they like how you are and you can trust them. confronting may be your only choice if you feel like you cant do that then maybe you can have somebody with you when you do it so you can be more comfortable and feel like your not on your own
A
male
reader, mrmortgage +, writes (9 September 2009):
Its up to you on how to confront these people, sometimes its better to just let it go without confrontation. People in this generation don't know what a true friend is. The Definition of friend has been widely misinterpreted. A person you talk to on a bus once a week is not your friend.
Weather or not you read the Bible, Jesus Christ says something interesting in John 15 1:17. Read this; toward the end Jesus calls his disciples/followers friends.
Point is true friends become family. Yes your relationship with a friend may not be smooth sailing all the time but overall your friends will always stand up for you and get hurt when they hear someone talking bad about you.
Check out some more examples of true friends and see if your "friends" compare.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Hi
Before I give you any advice, let me ask you a question. Have your friends given any hint of exactly what they don't like in you? Or that they don't accept you in the group? When you say that they don't like you, are you sure it is all of them? And if so, then how did it take you so long to reach such a conclusion? More importantly, a group dislike for someone is not easily masked. And when you say that you are sure they talk about you behind your back... then have you ever walked in a conversation when everyone just shut up as soon as they spotted you? Or have heard them smirk at you? Look, I am trying to say that you can hide the disapproval of one person behind blank eyes and a fake demeanor, but not an entire bunch of people.
You know, I am not going to be subtle or sugar-coat! I think that you are blowing it out of proportion. If you have enough reason to think that your friends dislike you, then ditch them all, but at least give them a chance to explain.
Also, what exactly made you believe this? You sound angry to me, right now. It is better that you wait till your anger subsides and you can think more objectively. Maybe you are right, but the odds are kinda slim. SO, before you jump to conclusions, and lose a bunch of friends, think it through.
How long have you been friends with them? Ask these questions. And if you still believe that they are all betraying your faith, then you should ask them. They definitely owe you an explanation for making you feel this bad. Not speaking will only increase the intensity of your anger. Clear the air, Communicate. Often, our imagination blows the reality out of proportion.
And, forgive me for asking this, but has your self-esteem suffered a setback lately. It's just that I have imagined myself to be not accepted and been talked about behind my back, only when my confidence is at an all time low.
Hey, good friends are hard to come by, before you flush them out of your life, please do yourself a favor, and ASK, RATIONALIZE, COMMUNICATE.
Hopefully, you will sort it out soon.
Take Care
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A
female
reader, califnan +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Maybe stop feeding them? Don't tell them anything that it would not be fun for them to repeat.. Don't let them see anything that you would not wish for them to see in you .. Then by starving them.. time will tell, in other ways if they are really your friends .
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A
female
reader, Jennilove  +, writes (9 September 2009):
Hey darlinHopefully you aren't feeling too sad about all this - they are certainly not worth your friendship if they won't accept you for *you*. The whole purpose of having friends is to have special people you can trust, be yourself with, open up to and confide in. I fear that you should be taking your problems to your friends whenever you can - not having problems *because* of your friends. So, i really do hope you are ok!What i would like to ask is - why do you think your friends are talking about you behind your back? Have you got any evidence for this, or is it just a gut instinct? You may well be correct about your intuition, or you might be wrong. You will know better than me though :)Confrontation can be difficult and i appreciate your awkwardness about dealing with this situation in person to your friends. How about maybe talking your feelings over with the 'friend' you feel closest to? You dont need to be confrontational - i'm sure his/her body language or repsonse will tell you all you need to know, from just a calm conversation. You could try approaching the situation in a humorous manner if that feels easier - just be careful not to continue your easygoing attitude if you feel they are treating you unfairly.As for them not accepting you - life is beautiful because there are so many different, unique, varied people in it. Yep, i know its so cliched to say that - but its cliched because its true! If your friends dont accept you for who you are - you can be guaranteed there are millions others out there who would. And you deserve to have them! Your friends dont deserve your good friendship if they cant accept you. Dont waste it on them, if its not returned! I wish you lots of luck with your situation, its not a nice one. Let me know how you get on, and feel free to ask me to give you better advice if this wasnt good enough - i really would like to help you best i can to find the simplest way to deal with this!! :)
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A
female
reader, luckystars88 +, writes (9 September 2009):
If they dont accept you for who you are they arent real friends. If you want to confront them and see if they really care about you then just tell them how you feel. doesn't need to be a fight... or if you cant bring yourself to do that then just forget it. If your happy with who you are and feel good about yourself then they're opinion shouldnt matter. Focus on you and being happy and the true friends will stick around and support you. The ones who aren't real friends and dont care about you will matter less and less and you'll be ok with them falling into your past. Soon enough they will either realize they are gonna loose you as a friend if they wont support you in being who you are or they will just go on with theyre lives and so will you.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Who are you? What are you? You can not stop people talking - people will always talk. If you do not want people to talk about particularly subjects ... do not tell them.
Wy were they friends in the first place?
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