A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a little problem with the new wife of my friend. She is very thin, may be the most 110 lb. she is a bit shorter than me, but her body frame is very small. I am 5.4 and weigh 137 lb. I ve been like this for the past 15 years since I had my daughter. I gained about 20 lb with my child, but before that I was called skinny my whole life. And anyway, how is 137 lb at my height can be possibly considered overweight? I work out and in great shape, I think this is how I want to stay for years to come. But this friend's wife very often says things that indicate that she is convinced for some reason that I am struggling with weight. My husband never noticed anything, but when I asked him to pay attention to what she say, he confirmed that it's true he noticed that she drops frase here and there about my extra pounds.To the point that she compared me and my other friend who is at least 25 lb heavier than me into one category. Even her husband that time asked her why on earth she thinks I am the same size as this other friend. At first I didnt react to her remarks, but lately I told her several times that I am perfectly happy with my weight. Last event: dinner at their house. She made dessert with milk, and because I have lactose intolerance, I had a very upset stomach the next day. I spent all morning in a bathroom. I. I called her to thank her for dinner and asked her if there was milk in her desert. She said yes, and then she said, O, my god, i completely forgot that you have milk intolerance. I joked and said that's fine, it was an unexpected cleansing for me. And then she goes: we'll, at least you probably dropped a pound or two. I just laughed, but to say the truth it already bugs me to the point that I started feeling uneasy around her. My husband tells me not to say anything to her. He told me that she probably identifies herself with all the skinny models in magazins and think that anyone a little heavier that that are fat. I would understand that if she was a teenager, but she is a grown woman in her 30s. Any thoughts on what I should do in this situation ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): Thank you all for answering.
I m sure she didn't put milk there on purpose. Ussualy in a desert like these no one puts any dairies. It was an unussual recepie. That's why I never asked. And again it was not a big deal. What bothered me is her comments again about my weight even when I told her how uncomfortable I was with cramps and going to the bathroom every few minutes.
She also says sometimes things like , I , I think you lost some weight. AND i keep answering, no, same weight for the past 15 years. She makes me feel like I have to apologize for not being as thin as her. She also comments about my boobs quite often. Because she has very small, and I think her husband likes bigger.She said , may be I should gain some weight to have boobs like yours.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 I would have thought for someone lactose intolerant they’d ask the question; what the dessert is made from before eating it. Generally when you’re invited to dinner the Hostess would ask if anyone has any allergies and if not it’s a good time to say something if you do. (Always double check even with the best of friends.)Had she forgotten; perhaps she did she’s new, but what makes her apology insincere is that her previous gibes are all about your weight. Therefore I too would feel a bit bugged about her attitude. But I’d also grow a thick skin for that sort of person; because they’re so preoccupied with their own image I wouldn’t care for their kind of friendship. So I’d keep it civil Although you could stir the pot, when it comes to your turn for dinner, and serve up pork crackling, creamy mashed potatoes and peach cobbler for dessert :) but be prepared for another one of her assaults OR simply serve an ultra fat free salad of lettuce leaf, grated carrot with a cherry tomato and no dressing before bringing out the wholesome dinner menu.Either way if you play/respond to her behaviour you’ll only get yourself worked up about it. Her comments should be like water off a ducks back! ‘Cause I think her agenda is so polar opposite to yours, she’d be a better friend if she learnt to keep her mouth shut.Withstanding that; when she opens her mouth again, ask her how much she weighs… 110lbs… Oh now there’s a weight I could lose if you keep this up! :)Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): Start your own hints and comments .. Say things like ' have you heard women who are ( slot in her weight ) get old quicker as their poor malnourished body's do not provide enough colengen . Say when you met and greet .. Are you tired .. Is there anything I can do your looking perky.. Are you EATing okey .. Etc then laugh it off. Bone disease .. Is another topic .. Keep this up and see how ms smarty pants like when the shoe is on the other foot . All the time act concerned and if she blows then act the hurt party say ' why are you saying this! I isn't personal . Omg your mad ' If you get her alone after you start your comments and I mean alone out of eat shot make sure she knew you know how nasty she been.. Tell her other people have noted it too. However two can play her game and if she thinks she will win then think again .. Your not called super itch for nothing lol . Take care chin up and don't be a door mat . X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): I heard once that people who are passive-aggressive do stuff like that. In fact that very example was used. Put milk in the dessert of a lactose intolerant person and "act" like you completely forgot. It serves two purposes. Its a sadistic way to cause you grief and its a way to show you that she thinks you are insignificant, to minimize your importance. The sad part about it is its all calculated and purposeful on her behalf. The goal of passive-aggressive types is to get a negative reaction out of you. They'll push your buttons and push your buttons till you go out kicking and screaming. They are very insecure and sadistic and that makes them feel good about themselves. The only advantage she thinks she has over you is that she is skinnier. In her mind that makes her "better" than you. And she throws it in your face to make herself feel better. This woman is totally pathetic. Dont give her the pleasure of letting her get under your skin. If I were you I would cut her out altogether from your lives. She's trouble. And no matter how thick your skin, you keep hanging around her and she is going to eventually affect you negatively.
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