A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts and uncles! I'm back again for some advice. Probably here more than I should be but have BPD so its always nice to have a rational insight on what other people think. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 months but have known each other for over 6 years now. I was in some pretty bad realtionships before this both physically abusive but this guy is amazing. I have known him as a really good friend for long enough to know he is a great guy and this is the real deal. I revently came in to some money and thought that rather than buying material possessions I want some good memories as I don't have any (sexually abused most of my life) so I paid for us both to go on holiday as a suprise. He was uncomfortable at first as he doesn't like me to spend money on him but now we are both extremely excited!The problem is this, my friends are saying this is too much too fast and its a really bad idea. But we see each other almost everyday anyway evven before we were together so its not as if we will see each other more than usual? We both think this is a really good idea but of course with my BPD (borderline personality disorder) I don't always make the most sensible decisions. I do go to councelling and have been going every week for 2 years and had CBT and have it pretty much under control and would say I am more or less normal? What do you guys think? I don't want to make a mistake as I really want this to work. Please any advise would be great xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): I don't think it's too soon as you said yourself,you have know him for 6 years.
It's not like you only just met 2 months ago.
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (6 April 2012):
 While I think friends' opinions are important, i think others (like your counselor) is more important. You have a lot of trust in him not because you've been with him for 2 months but 6 years so it sounds a good idea to me. First date I went on with my bf that i knew for a year was to a different country-no regrets, best vacation of my life :) have fun!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 You should definitely go. I don't think it's too soon. There are people going on first dates as a vacation. Life is too short to listen to people telling you about the waiting game, the happily ever after that may not happen. Just remember that a vacation is to have a good time and it is not an indication that a relationship will be more serious than before. It could, but don't have too much expectations. Your boyfriend may feel uncomfortable that he has to repay you in some way, but if I were him I would be definitely thrilled that a girl gets to treat me like that, it will make me feel special, because a typical girl would expect expensive gifts from boyfriends and ask him to pay all the time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there aunts! Just wanted to thank you both for coming back with some advice its made me feel better about the decision I really do appreciate it. Now I can carry on with being excited thank you so much xx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 "The problem is this, my friends are saying this is too much too fast and its a really bad idea."
Ignore what people say, be they friends or someone else. Enjoy your vacation. They're just jealous that you get to have fun and they aren't so they try to spoil it for you by telling how negative things about it. If you let what other people think and say get to you it'll ruin your relationship.
Only YOU and YOUR BOYFRIEND knows what is too soon or not too soon for the two of you. Each relationship is different and go at their own pace.
That said, I would advise you to take your time to do the IMPORTANT decisions, such as getting married, having kids etc. Those important things you need to go slow with. But everything else: do it when you feel like it.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (5 April 2012):
First i want to say its great that you go to counselling. In this case because of your history and just in general i do agree with your friend that it is a bit too soon to be spending that kind of money. However it is also a good thing that you spent the money for yourself to have a good time. By your post i would say you deserve it. Since you both are already excited and you already have it planned dont cancel it. Go and enjoy yourself. But i advise you in the future not to spend that kind of money so early on. I would wait probably and yr or so next time. I also want to add that we (im generalizing here) really cant say if you are more normal or not because we dont know you. But its very good that you keep your bpd in check. Have a good time and good luck
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