A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 15 and the boy im seeing is 16 we're in the same year though . i need some advice because im being told by friends lots of different things and im not sure who to listen too or who is right.i dont wish to offend anyone in this because im not racist in anyway as you will see but these are the facts.i am white and the boy in question is black. My friends are worried he gives of a bad impression for me to be around because he is very tall(nearly a foot taller than me) and looks very "gangsta" e.g. muscly, earrings, shaven eyebrows, tatoos, the clothes? you get my idea if not feel free to ask...his friends dont help either as all together they are known as the chavs of our school whereas i just think hes popular. He doesnt smoke but does drink alot and outside of school his mates and him have been in trouble with the policefor example two days ago for beeing drunk in our local park, and throwing bottles.but i see a different side to him completely. although my friend dont believe me he does genuinelly care for me where always texting and he always looks after me when im ill. also when were out no one hassles me because they dont want to mess with him so he protects me when before i was scared to go out because i got alot of unwanted attention from other boys. he is a nice person and different when he isnt with his friends.most of my friends are telling me to stay away because i dont know what hes like when hes drunk and if he gets in to fights how long before he starts on me... but its not the same is it and he wouldnt beat me up. they say hes trouble but they dont understand i really love this guy and they all seem jealous although he isnt there type ? :Stheyve told me not to get too romantically involved with him and if he ask me out to say no but its too late becaause we slept together the other day which made things worse cos they know thing cos we wwerent going out he really bad for me...please help me with what i can do im scared of losing him or my friends and im scared about if they are right? x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honest_Answers +, writes (14 May 2009):
 You're very young angel. What happened was actually illegal and he could be arrested for sex with a minor. Did you sleep with him because you wanted to or because you wanted him to like you?
It sounds like you're already very involved with this guy and that's ok, advice not to get romantically involved is now useless. However friends can be right, sometimes you can't see what others can, it's certainly true that 'love is blind'.
I teach at a school with a lot of black boys who are 'gansta' and get in trouble a lot and many of them are really lovely guys with good hearts who are just misunderstood. As long as he's not into anything too hardline (drugs, knives, gang culture etc) then I don't see a problem.
When I was your age I had a lot of unwanted attention from males but I have to say sweetheart this doesn't just stop! You need to learn how to cope with this yourself and not rely on any man to do it. Watch how other women deal with it and find a style that works for you, you'll be a master at dashing them off in a couple of years so you shouldn't worry too much.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): You shouldn't change your mind just because your friends don't think he is right for you. If you hear love in his voice when he talks to you , you will know he's the one. It doesn't matter what people look like, its what's inside that counts. No person should change their mind about something special to them , even if their friends don't agree with them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): So what if he has a good side? So what if he has a side that "nobody else sees?"
So do millions of guys (and gals) out there who still make terrible relationship partners.
If he drinks and runs with a bad crowd then that's probably what anyone who dates him will be dealing with. For someone to be a good person, and be a good person for you to be with, it takes more than just being capable of decency at times. Actions speak louder than words. And frequent actions speak louder than occasional actions.
If you wanna search out the good side of a bad boy, you'll usually find one somewhere. But he's still a bad boy just the same.
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