A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:A few weeks ago I went to the pub with my friend (20) her parents, her boyfriend (also 20) and her male friend from high school (who again is also 20) Her male friend had been flirting with me all night and when I had gone home, he messages me on Facebook telling me to go to my front door. We got talking and we ended up kissing, numerous times! We exchanged numbers and have been texting since.We all went out again last weekend and whilst in the pub, he said he wanted me and my friend said "she's too young for you" (I'm 17, 18 this April) she made a few comments similar to this throughout the night. I'm not physically attracted to this guy however I could see myself just seeing him or him being my 'f u c k buddy' I just don't know how to tell my friend??
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Hello OP,
If you are nearly 18 (how very exciting for you what a great fun age) then a 20 yr old in my opinion is not too old for you.
A couple of concerns from the mom in me…
The first night you met him he came to your house and kissed you… that alone is a bit over the top…
Now all you do is text right? You are not actually dating him or having a relationship with him, if I’m reading this correctly (I’m sorry but texting is NOT a relationship)
He said he “wanted you” . THIS IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. THIS IS NOT what you want to hear from men you want a relationship with. “I want you” is pure sex.
I’m not going to address that your friend’s opinion of your age being too young is right or wrong… but I’m sensing it was her way of saying “NO” to him without telling him it’s cause he’s a dog and you can do better.
IF you are NOT physically attracted to him why would you consider being a FWB?
WHY in the world at 17/18 do you think you NEED an FWB? Do you even truly get what FWB means? He shows up, he fucks you, he leaves. That’s it. IF you sleep with him, you will start to care about him, he will never care about you and you will get hurt.
How do I know this? Because:
1. He came to your house and KISSED you on the night you met.
2. His comment “I want you” was very clear to your friend (who obviously knows him well enough) and to my practiced trained eye… this is a man who will not give you anything worthwhile. Clearly if he’s the same age as your friend and you and her are ok as friends then it’s REALLY NOT ABOUT THE AGE, she’s just trying to be subtle and kind in protecting you. Why not go to her (just the two of you) and say “it’s really not about his age is it? So what’s your real concern?” And that gives her the opening to tell you in private why she knows this is a bad idea…. She may know he’s a “use ‘em and lose ‘em” kind of guy and is trying to protect you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): My personal opinion of the experiances,I strongly agree with coment 2 and 3.Yes it is very fun and all but it makes you look bad where you will be labeled and I wont say it cause I dont use these words with females under any circumstances but also it can hurt your health badly if you get any HIV,STD,HERPIES etc.There are alot of possibilities and also it will show men that you have no self respect.And whats in it for you if you dont find him attractive?Just the pleasures which can have its own punishments.So think for a whike before you do this and wait until you come up with a logical answer to guide you.I hope you make the right decission.Take care of yourself ok.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Leave her out of it. Its not her business.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Why at your age do you want to get involved with a guy you are not attracted to? If you go around having FWB's aged 17 you will get a name for yourself, casual sex is just not cool and no guy will respect you in the future if you have been going around sleeping with any old guy you come across when you were a teenager.
He isnt too old for you, 2-3 years age gap is nothing and you are nearly 18 anyway so you are almost an adult, there is no big deal in an 18 year old dating a 20 year old.
However there is a big deal in you sleeping around and having casual sex, you are putting your health at risk in so many ways and you are racking up sexual partners too quickly so when it comes to the future and you want a serious relationship, no guy will take you seriously because you slept around when you were younger.
I'm sure FWB's seem like fun for you teenagers, and of course you have sexual urges at your age - but you need to control yourself! I'm not some old fart being boring here, I'm 25 and like you I used to think FWB's were a good idea, you could have no strings attached sex and that was great. However I quickly learnt that no guy likes a girl with a past, search this site and you will see so many men that struggle to deal with the number of men their girlfriends have slept with.
It all boils down to men wanting a girl who is sweet, innocent and respects herself. Giving your body away to a guy you dont even fancy is just cheap and easy, and shows you dont have any respect for yourself.
I'd think carefully before you go ahead with this - not because of his age, but because sleeping around now is only going to come back and bite you on the bum when you are older.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 March 2013):
Why do you need your friends approval?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 What's the point of having a fuck buddy you are NOT physically attracted to ??
I can understand getting over a luckluster chemistry ( although, personally I would not do it ) because the guy is a gem and your personalities are compatible and he'll treat you like a princess blah blah .
But, all this guy has to offer you is his body, .. and you don't even like that too much ? ..Then, what's in it for you ?
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