A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For Valentine's, my 33 year-old boyfriend got me a gift voucher, good for a spa day for two, and a night in a hotel, breakfast included.We've gone to the spa (great, by the way), and we will book the night very soon.However, I mentioned this to my aunt (who is close to my father) and she said he'd be very angry and would not let me go, that it was a poor gift choice.I am 23 and live with my father (college student here). I don't think it will be a surprise to my dad to know that my boyfriend and I have sex (though I understand that knowing your baby girl has sex can be awfully awkward), so I don't know what's the big deal.I know I live under his roof, but I don't think I'm disrespecting him. How can I bring this subject to my dad? Should I have my boyfriend over and let him tell my dad we'll be out for 2 days? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013): At your age you should not have to explain where or why your going anywhere.He has your mobile number I take it?
Do not involve your boyfriend,just say to Dad as you leave with an overnight bag 'be back Sunday'.
Hope the boyriends single and lon term.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Cerberus, in a perfect world you would be correct. IN the real world Sageoldguy has nailed it... totally.
As a Daughter I get both sides...
and yes I think that the dad should accept it.... sadly we can't control him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Cerberus and OP: You're correct. Daddy CAN'T forbid you (OP) from this excursion. HOWEVER, he CAN say: "No daughter of mine would do this. AND, if a daughter of mine - who lives in my home - DOES do this... then I'd feel comfortable telling her that she will have to make "other" living arrangements when she is done... because she will not be welcome at this address."
Does that give you any different perspective on the matter?
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): No OP, he's your dad, you deal with it.
"Hi sir, listen I'm just going to take your daughter away for a couple of days to fuck the brains out of her. I got her this gift so we can have loads of animal sex. You know? Because it's a self serving gift I gave her, like lingerie." Is pretty much all your dad would hear him say if he's already opposed to the idea.
You're a 23 year old woman just mention it to him in passing when you're planning it. Then talk to him like the adult you are. He doesn't have to be happy with it OP but it's not like he can forbid you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 March 2013):
When I was 19 (after having lived a year away at college) I was living with my parents. I wanted to go see my boyfriend and spend the night at his place.. MY parents BLEW a fit (granted it was 1979) and told me that a proper young lady did NOT spend the night with a boy at his place.
I didn't go out of respect for my parents... but clearly I have never forgotten it.
Sadly even at 23 you are daddy's little girl and you live in his house and probably need to respect his wishes. the problem is for dad is that you are not his little girl... if you are lucky your mom was your age when mom and dad were married (or close to it) and you can use that for leverage. Heck I was married nearly 3 years and pregnant with my first child at 23.....
I do not think that your aunt has the right to speak for your father... it's her feelings that she's speaking of, she may think she knows your dad... and she may be right but that's not for her to say.
Personally I see no problem with it...
I would NOT ask his permission..... in fact, if you were going with your girlfriends for a girl weekend instead of with the boyfriend how would you handle it? That's what you should do...
Me: "Daddy I'm going away the weekend of xx/xx/13 I'm going to Hershey Spa. I'm leaving Friday after classes and I'll be home Sunday afternoon..."
daddy: "who are you going with?"
ME: "boyfriend's name",
Now for me this should be it... and if you handle it matter of factly and don't go looking for a problem maybe dad will surprise you....
if not and it goes further like this then you have to decide what you want to do:
daddy: "i don't think it's proper for a young lady to spend a weekend away with a man"
Me: "dad, I understand I'm your little girl but the truth is I"m an adult, I'm smart, we've been together for xxx time and this is the 21st century and it's common for unmarried couples to take a vacation together. I would really like you to be comfortable with this... how can I help you with that?
and then it' comes down to what you want to do....
I am not sure that back in 1979 my deferring to my parents was the right choice.... I think my mother over reacted... but I respected my parents, and they supported me 100% including paying my college fees and providing me a car... I really did not feel right going against them.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (1 March 2013):
 You are 23 and that makes you an adult, so you can go where you want with whoever you want. If your boyfriend wants to take you away for a short break, that is a lovely thing to do and I'm sure you dad wont be surprised that your boyfriend is taking you away. Most couples go on holiday together frequently, so he can hardly be surprised!
1 night in a hotel is not disrespectful to your father, you are an adult and if you want to go away you are more than within your rights to go away if you choose to.
Dont get your boyfriend involved, just the next time you see your dad mention that your boyfriend is taking you away for a short break to xxx place (insert location). Dont make it out to be a seedy one night in a hotel, just say you are going away to xxx place which makes it sound more like you are just visiting a different place.
If he gets mad (cant see why he would though unless he is a very controlling father), then tell him you are an adult, you are going away with your boyfriend like normal couples do and there is no reason for him to be so irrational. Ask him to give you some respect and treat you like the adult that you are, rather than treating you like a child.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 No, just say something along the lines of "Dad, I going away for 2 number of days from next Friday. Fred got us a voucher for a night at PoshPlace Hotel for Valentine's Day. Do you want me to write it on the calendar or will you remember?
That way you have updated your father on your plans, if he has a problem you can roll your eyes at him. Introducing your boyfriend into the conversation will remove it from being a chat between parent and child and make it something bigger than Ben Hur, which your father will feel obliged to respond to as a father!
Your Aunt may be close to him, but only on a brother sister level, you know him in a completely different way.
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