A
female
age
30-35,
*ellokitty76
writes:hi,i have a friend who lives in another country. we have known each other for a long time. he is in a way more than a friend but it is complicated. however recently things havent been going well. he said something has changed but he doesnt know what. i really dont want to lose him and would do anything. he means a lot to me. he is saying that maybe it would be the best if we never talk again. he says he doesnt want to hurt me anymore but i know that isnt the best.i want to show to him that it can be better, that it can be great. i want to save it and i think the best way to do that is to go there to him but i know that he wont want me to. but i have to save it because i remember all those things he has said to me. so i know it can be better.should i go there? i cant tell him as he will say no. will he be mad if i go without telling him? what should i do?please help Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 July 2010):
I suspect that something has happened to him, such as he may have found a girlfriend and she's not happy with him speaking to you. I think you need to respect his wishes and let him go. Don't go out to see him, because it will scare him and push him away even more. You have already lost him, and there are only a few pieces left that can't be put back together. It's time to move on.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Hello,
I know you want to go and see him but my advice is that you should NOT go to see him under any circumstances. Those of us filled with hope tend to see things as they could be, not as they are.
How it is today is that this person does not want to be with you, does not want to continue the relationship. There is no amount of convincing you can do with him.
What you need to do is accept things as they are and move on. If things were meant to be more between the two of you, he has to come to that realization on his own. Your hope is not going to bring him to that conclusion.
I am speaking from experience here and I will tell you that if you go to see him you will accomplish two things. 1) drive him away forever and 2) give yourself a very painful memory of the relationship. This memory will be the one you will remember, not the good times or anything else.
Stay home and find someone who wants to be with you. What you had with this guy is in the past now.
Take care.
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