A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last month I ran into a guy I went to high school with that I have not seen in ten years. We exchanged phone numbers an have been seeing each other ever since. We have a lot in common and I have never been happier. My problem is that a week before I ran into him my girlfriend had her eye on him ever since. He did not get along with her when they went out and he mentioned to her that he did not want a relationship with her period. She noticed how we hit things off, I could see the jealousy in her eyes. She forbid me to see him, which I find rather unfair since she could be ruining something special for me. My girlfriend also told me if I ever see or talk to him our friendship is over. I need to break it to her that I have been seeing this guy. I feel like maybe she isn't the greatest friend in the world because she maybe jealous? And doesn't want me to have something that she can't? Befriend me because of it? I don't know if I should slowly break it to her or just straight up tell her? I guess if she is a true friend she will not befriend me because of it?
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male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (31 May 2012):
 I'm curious as to know how you guy are falling for the same guys over and over. It sounds like you two are going mainly on physical attraction, which also tells me that you didn't know the guys on a deeper level prior to liking him. Also, Like female anon stated, is this the third guy that you have dated that she didn't want you to? If so, then I'm pretty sure there's a whole other problem to this story.
You two should develop a system where you both can be happy. My best friend and my system is "Whoever calls dibs first has priority". If he wants her more than I do then he should call dibs on her. If she turns him down then the other guy is allowed to move in on her. I rarely put that part into action though because I respect my friend too much and the chics he pick aren't really the type I want to date. Now if we both REALLY liked the same girl then we come to a compromise. I get to have this one, uninterrupted, and the next one that we both fancy, he can have her without me pursuing. It also works vise versa.
It's all about talking to your friend about it. Make sure you two preserve your friendship. You don't want to let someone who might only be around for a week or two ruin a friendship that has lasted years (My case). Good luck. You should really talk to your girlfriend about it though.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): So he is the 3rd guy that you have been with that she is interested in OR are you with the 3rd guy that she likes? Complicated right? Do you date all the guys that she likes? Do you knowingly date the guys after you both discuss the guys she likes/interested in and then you start going out with them? Is there some sort of rivalry between you two "friends". I find it odd that she went out on a date with this guy and she told you all about him. Then you "convienietly" bump into him a week later and now you are dating (sleeping?) With him??? Don't you find this too co incidental? OP does your friend warn you off "her" guys and then you somehow find yourself dating them thereafter? I'm really intrigued by this situation.And to answer your question: Yes please do tell your friend that you are now with this guy who she dated just a week prior to you hooking up with. I think you owe it to your friend to be truthful???(I am hoping I havn't got the wrong end of the drama, but 3 guys, really now!!!)LoveGirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy girlfriend only met him and went out with him once. She said even told me all she wanted from him was one thing. She said she likes him but doesn't want a relationship. Anyways, he is not the first guy that she has told me that I can't have. He would be the third one she told me I can't have. I did forget to mention that.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (30 May 2012):
Well, to be honest, A TRUE friend would let the guy go in favor of her best friend. They say girlfriends and boyfriend come and go but a real friend is hard to come by. It sounds like neither of you are great friends at all. You already knew your friend had a crush on her. AND you knew that he rejected her. Now you enter into a relationship with the very guy that turned her down. Her OWN BEST FRIEND betrayed her and started dating the guy that she wanted. How would you feel? A TRUE friend would have walked away from the guy and showed her best friend that she respected her feelings enough to let ONE guy go. You couldn't even do that. When he turned her down, you should have been at her side, holding the tissues and wiping her tears away. No. You decided instead to jump at the oppurtunity to drive the stake further into her heart. Yea, you're a "great" friend all right.A TRUE friend would not be able to enjoy being with the very guy that crushed her best friend's heart. A TRUE friend would not be able to sincerely apologize to her best friend while still making googly eyes at the guy who turned her down. I understand he's something she can't have. But a TRUE friend would have showed HIM that a guy couldn't come between girlfriends. You are NOT a true friend.Your best friend is also being selfish in the way that she doesn't want you to be happy with him. A TRUE friend would have swallowed her pride and told her best friend that she wanted them both to be happy together. And if she did say that, A TRUE friend should be able to still see that it was hurting her to say such a thing. Neither of you sound like best friends to me. You guys just sound like oppurtunists. Just in case you were wondering. I did go through the same thing with my best friend. She turned him down. She wanted me instead. He was always talking about her. He knew I liked her, but I knew he liked her even more. I gave him the go ahead. He went ahead and got turned down. He was devastated. She came to me a few days later, wanting to hook up. I told her that I couldn't because my best friend had really liked her. I understood that I couldn't help that she wasn't attracted to him, but I wasn't going to shove it in his face that she wanted me.He did say that I should go for it but I never did. THAT'S TRUE FRIENDS. There are plenty of other girls out there to date. There's only one buddie that I can really relate to. I think you two should re-evaluate your friendship.
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A
female
reader, mooh  +, writes (30 May 2012):
Hi, this is a very tricky situation. I understand from your friend's point of view that she is acting jealous/possessive about this guy, however they had their chance (especially if this was ages ago) and this guy made it clear they are not compatible.
If this is turning into something serious with this guy (and it seems like it is), don't sacrifice your possibility for a future with a great guy. However keep in mind that it may get awkward around your girl-friend to the point that you may lose her if she can't accept this relationship.
Let her know face to face how serious you are with this guy (it's not like you can control feelings either) but that your friend is very important too, but you hope that she can understand. Stand your ground.
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