A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm 25 and I've been friends with this guy for about a year, he's in my friendship group and he previously had a girlfriend, nothing ever happened between us and previously i always just saw him as a friend. Anyway he broke up with his girlfriend a couple of months ago and for the past month or so he has been quite flirty with me, we have so much in common and I quite enjoyed him being like this, he teases me a lot but in a sweet way. I wasn't actually sure of it until we had a group night out, where at the start of the night he started asking me about my boyfriend history, and paid a lot of attention to me, etc. it was a lot more obvious and I really thought he must like me. I was a tiny bit flirty back so I feel like he might have known that he could have a chance with me. I definitely got the impression he was into me, in fact for weeks previously he had kept asking me to go to this night out with our friends. We had planned to travel home together as we live in the same direction and it would save money. He pretty much told me how much we have in common, and he was asking about whether I would kiss anyone that night (I said I didn't know, but that I didnt do that sort of stuff often). Anyway there was another girl at the night out (friend of a friend, but neither myself or this guy had met her before) and suddenly after a few hours he totally ditched me for her, he was walking way ahead with her, whispering in her ear and putting his arm around her, it was like he forgot everyone else existed, including me. He disappeared for 2 hours and I thought he had left, but then he rejoined the group, he had been with this girl the whole time (I wouldnt be surprised if they kissed). I just enjoyed myself anyway and was dancing a lot (I was actually dancing with this girl in front of the guy, mostly because she wanted to dance with me.. I feel like we were both looking at him and dancing to him in a sexy way, which I now find embarrassing, I didnt do that for him or for attention). They stayed together until we all went home, and she got his number (I know because I ended up sharing a taxi with her home). I really hope this doesn't sound arrogant but I do think I'm an attractive girl and usually get lots of Male attention, I feel really embarrassed and rejected because I kind of put myself out there by flirting back. Not that it matters, but he's only average looking, i never thought he was a player, and he was always good to his previous girlfriend. I now feel really awkward because this is my friend and I see him regularly. I think that is one of the main reasons it hurts, I trusted him.. it feels like he set me up to be rejected because he thought he found something better it's not like just any guy. Is he just not as into me as he made out? Should I keep my distance for a while or just act casual like it didnt bother me?Thanks guys
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 May 2019):
 Unfortunately, it’s easy to be lead on and easy to unintentionally lead someone on. I think you misread his signals and he wasn’t aware that you were interested. Some people flirt without the intention of it going anywhere. You didn’t even really like him as more than a friend before that, so it’s really the pride that hurts, not unrequited feelings.
Give it a little while and you’ll get over it just fine. Don’t blame him or yourself for this; neither of you meant to end up in this situation - it just happens sometimes. Don’t flirt back if he does it again, though - not because he’s doing anything wrong, but just so you don’t get caught up in it again :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2019): Hi guys! I'm the OP and I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you for everyone who took the time to comment on my post. It helped me so much, as I wasnt really able to speak to my friends about the situation with them all knowing him. I'm starting to feel a bit better and reading the comments made me realise that it's not the end of the world. Thank you!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2019): He flirted a bit, hinted about kissing (which you basically said 'maybe but maybe not' to), he met a girl and hit it off with her. You were giving him luck warm reactions at best..... I don't understand what you feel he did wrong?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2019): Sweetheart, your pride is a bit damaged.
You let-down your guard and defenses; but things didn't turn-out as expected. Flirtation is just that, only flirting. It doesn't always lead to anything serious; and even if you shared secrets and had great talks; it can only mean you're making better friends, by becoming more acquainted. You simply misread his signals.
Males flirt with attractive-females almost impulsively. For a young heterosexual-male, it comes naturally. It may or may not lead to anything more than good conversation and a few insinuated passes; but it might not get any more serious than that. He caught you off-guard. You're also insulted that he chose someone else. That bruised your ego; and put a nasty scratch on your female-pride.
You were acquaintances from the start; but no longer having a girlfriend, he may have leaned on you a little for the benefit of your good company. The plus being you're an attractive young woman, and a nice person to boot!
My dear, shake your pretty feathers and let it roll off your back.
It happens to all of us. I got wined and dined and spent a whole weekend with a guy who pursued me like I was the holy grail. So we spend a weekend together; best wine, talking for hours; and then sex. It was great. He then explained he wasn't looking for anything serious. I wasn't surprised; because I'm not naive. We've been good friends ever since; going on 11 years now. He tried for sex again...but it ain't happening! If I judged him by his heavy pursuit; I would have thought he was obsessed. It just works out that way sometimes. He now has a very handsome Japanese boyfriend he adores. He's a great guy too!
My advice is this. If things don't go anywhere with her, guard your dignity. Don't be some dude's second-choice or backup-girl. You deserve better than that. He blew you off and he wasn't nice or considerate about it; and he wasn't ignorant of the fact you were attracted to him.
So, nothing came of it. Let it go! Allow no turnabouts or comebacks! He's just a lesson learned, and a memory to file-away.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 May 2019):
 I'm with N91,
Work on NOT letting this bother you.
You were a rebound. He picked you because it was easy, he knew you, and I think, knew that you like(d) him.
People on the rebound are lazy. They either try hooking up wit hexes or friends. And then when they realize the other person might REALLY care, they dump and run.
You need to be smarter in the future OP
He didn't have to work very hard to get your attention and get you ready to say "how high" when he said :"jump".
NOT that is it YOUR fault it turned out he way it did. But now you know.
And when this new girl doesn't work out... he might come back around to you trying his luck again - DO NOT fall for it.
And these things happen. The only way to try and prevent them is to TAKE your time when something seems to develop. Jumping in with both feet is a risk.
HIS loss, OP
Chin up
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (4 May 2019):
 Fake it till you make it. Pretend like it didn't mean much and never talk about it or let it show that he hurt you. He'll never know if you don't let on. Lick your wounds in private and just act like it was no big deal. It hurts now and its understandable but in time it will pass.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (4 May 2019):
 Ask yourself, in the grander scheme of things, will this "incident" really matter? A few months (or even weeks) down the line, you will hardly remember it (although you will probably remember the way you felt, as that is harder to forget).
You are feeling foolish because you believed this guy's flirting. Most people have been there. It is easy to misread the signals when someone wants you to. Don't beat yourself up. Nothing horrendous happened. You didn't throw yourself at him or have a meltdown. You were simply flirting back a bit. He has no way of really knowing whether you were being genuine or as fake as him, has he? Only YOU know the truth and you don't have to share that with anyone.
Stay strong. This too will pass.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2019): He's a jerk. And I can see why you'd be upset. He knew what he was doing!! Best revenge? Be happy. Limit the time you spend in this group or leave it. Remember how he asked if you'd kiss someone in the room? He was testing to see if you're easy. It looks like SHE answered his question to his liking. She has sex easily. He is looking for sex and not a relationship.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (4 May 2019):
 Don’t ACT like it doesn’t bother do not LET it bother you.
So you had a bit of flirty back and forth, so what? It doesn’t mean you were destined to get together does it? He saw another girl he wanted to pursue and he went for it. You now know he isn’t that interested in you and what you guys were doing was a place holder until his next love interest came along.
Forget about it and remember NOT to let this happen again when he’s looking for some flirting, he’s clearly shown he’s not that into you!
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