A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I feel a little ridiculous posting this but I never thought I'd have this problem!I need to figure out how to quickly, unambiguously turn men down. I feel so uncomfortable doing it that sometimes when I am asked to get together, I just tell them I'm too busy now and maybe later. Or I don't reply at all. Or I say "yeah, sometime", then block their number. But then they keep asking. I just don't understand why nonverbal cues don't work! If I am interested in someone and they stop responding to me I will try one, maybe two more times tops. Then I get it and I leave them alone! Why don't they just give up? Ugh it just feels so uncomfortable to actually say those words, "I'm not interested in you". I guess I am trying to be "nice" by not outright saying that I am not interested in them but that just makes it worse for all of us. I know I'm not handling this right.I've had a couple instances where I finally either flat out asked them to stop messaging me or in another case told him I couldn't because I was seeing someone (true at the time). I don't know if men are more outgoing in this age range now than when I was younger or what but with my normal way of handling things (avoidance) I can't keep up. As soon as I finally get one off my back, another is sending me messages asking to get together! Most often these are people that I know. Some are ones that I work with or have worked with. Former classmates, etc. Most send messages by Facebook. I actually wanted to turn my messaging off, but Facebook actually doesn't let you do that. I'm not even on a dating site or Tinder or any of that. I just really need a few ideas for things I can say that will shut them down immediately, but aren't rude.Some people might find the attention flattering I suppose but I really just want to be left alone. I am so stressed out from school all the time. I was seeing someone that I really liked but he changed his mind, so I'm still kind of down about that. And a year from now when my classes are finished I'm moving to a different area of the country. I'm really not interested in dating anyone right now, even if these were men that I would consider dating under better circumstances. But I feel like that is my business and I shouldn't have to tell someone why I don't want to date them. Ideas?
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female
reader, Beccccccy  +, writes (6 May 2019):
I actually think what you are doing is just fine , I don't like out and out rejection either . You don't have to be blunt and rude , just say " Sorry , its just not the correct time for me " and if you are that worried about it , do as you do and block their number .
Some people think you have to be blunt and rude , not true , believe in Karma , anything you do will come back on you 10 fold . This also differs greatly from Country to Country , never a reason to be rude . Follow a European or Asian standing .
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2019): Maybe you don't know that men being men will always chase women and will always ask for dates and will always try to be intimate with you. They never stop, and although they get rejected most of the time, they never give up. So don't worry they are used to it and it doesn't kill them. Just learn to say no thank you, and leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 May 2019):
 What you ARE doing is leading them on. Which is a LOT less "nice" then saying :"Thanks, but I'm not interested in anything romantic with you." Or " Thanks, but I'm not looking to be dating any time soon".
And then remember no, means no.
You can ALWAYS say, no thanks. YOU DO NOT OWE a dude a long explanations as to why you are turning him down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2019): It gets easier as you get older and gain more confidence sweetie. You don't owe them anything. If their feelings are hurt, that's their problem. Rejection comes with the territory. Just say Sorry, I'm not interested and ignore them. And keep ignoring them. They will eventually move on.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 May 2019):
 You say ‘Thanks for the offer but I’m don’t see any romantic feelings here/not looking to date right now/not interested’.
Any of those will suffice.
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