A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey , my propblem is about my friend . i work from home and have a child so tend to be busy but have more free time than someone going out to their work place , my friend doesnt work due to disabilities so has a lot of free time . She constantly messages me its getting to the point im ignoring her and pretending ive left my phone behind when ive 'gone out ' she practically gives me a running commentary of everything shes doing everyday like having a drink eating fruit watching tv that shes cleaned her house . Its driving me insane . She does have other friends but not as close as me . shes not one to join clubs or try online dating either . She had a fall out with one of our other friends and i helped her through the situation to getting them being friends again . its not so easy to say to her back off a bit she wont understand the same and take it the wrong way due to her mental abilities . She takes 4x as long to work some stuff out .How do i tell her to back off in an easy , friendly way ? thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2016): im the op . my friend does have slight mental problems with reading , understanding things , learning difficulties . i decided to just ignore her between a few hours and im going to slowly widen that time im going to ignore her so she will in a way begin to understand that im busy , ( my peaceful time ) i have stopped messaging straight away too. When she does message me it doesnt really make much difference if i dont reply she still messages , its a one way convo for a while but she doesnt seem bothered . thanks everyone for your suggestions
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 August 2016):
 oh yeah I keep my phone on silent almost all the time and do miss texts..
i have a very good friend that lets her child use her phone for videos and stuff and she's only 4 so she doesn't know to give her mom the phone when I text.
so if I don't hear back from her for an hour or so I will text again to check in and make sure she is alright and it's usually that she didnt see the text
folks that don't get replies stop texting.... it's hard to have a one sided conversation.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 August 2016):
 Just ignore her texts, reply when you want to and tell her that you're busy. It's because you're replying that she keeps taking to you. If you stop, the one-way communication can't go on for too long. Tell her when you can that work is particularly bad these days and you hardly get to check your phone.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 August 2016):
 Just tell her, "hey can we cut down the texting, it's too much". It's simple and to the point without being to harsh. The use of "we" kind of soften it a bit.
OR you can put HER number on silence and then answer IF/WHEN you feel like talking. Or have a standard response to her like SVC suggests.
If you DON'T answer every single text and basically "ignore them" she might understand that you don't WANT to text that much.
It would drive me up the wall if I had a friend like that. It's just too much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2016): Unless her mental disabilities give her the mentality of a child; you have to be straightforward. Sometimes people treat those they know to have mental disorders or physical disabilities like they are completely mentally-deficient. Well, often they will take advantage of you for it; or they will be resentful, and make your life miserable. She is taking advantage of you for it. The fact you are closest to her, she will use you to some degree. Now you have to stop treating her as a child, or like she doesn't understand right from wrong.
You won't be taken seriously if you don't explain to her that you are raising a child while trying to work, and you don't always have the time to respond to constant messaging. You also need to explain that time taken from making your living costs you money; and you have to put your child and financial obligations ahead of leisurely conversations, and/or constant texting during the day. Give her a time-frame you can chat. Tell her if you don't answer right-away, it is because you're busy with the baby or work.
She's an adult. You don't have to sugar-coat everything for her. She had a falling-out with another friend; because some people will not put-up with the nonsense. Be polite and empathetic, but being too nice is just plain foolish. You complain, but invite the very behavior you're complaining about.
Being too nice is also phony. You are pretending to be one thing, while feeling totally different. Don't blame that on sympathy. It's a form of cowardice and deception; because you want to give the impression that you're always nice. Nobody's always nice. We all get angry, happy, sad, upset, and tired. It's human. You discipline children, and they have feelings and less understanding as compared to adults. Yet you still have to set boundaries and layout rules for them. Whether they like it or not.
Be honest, let your tone and delivery be polite; but speak to her as one adult to another. That's the only way you will be taken seriously. As I've said, you have to set boundaries even with children; and they won't like it. You have to set the limits and ignore the phone when you are busy; that isn't mean, it is enforcing what you have explained to her. Handling her with kit gloves certainly isn't going to modify her behavior. The more you allow it, the more she'll take advantage of your time. Why shouldn't she, since you set no limits?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 August 2016):
 How about you dont tell her anything? Just be honest about the facts of the situation: that you can not always reply to her or message her because you are busy working.
Let her message you all she wants, and just set your phone on mute. Or, i am sure there is a setting that allows you to mute/block only her messages for a time period. Then read and reply when you are done working.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 August 2016):
When I am driving my phone automatically says "I'm driving right now I'll get back to you when it's safe"
I suggest you create a standard text for her when she messages you that says "I'm working right now I'll get back to you as soon as I can" and every time she sends a text when you can't respond you can send that to her. EVERY TIME and while you MAY see an upshot in her texts as a TEST you must do this... and eventually the texting will be reduced.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 August 2016):
 sorry about the typos, I need a new keyboard
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (31 August 2016):
June, you know I work from right, I do data entry and get paid for what I do. Well lately I've been slacking off and not getting as much and my boss is unhappy/I'm losing money. I am trying to organise myself and so wont be taking any calls or messages between 8:30am and 4:30pm every day. If you need to contact me leave a message and I will call/text you back later in the afternoon.
See if that will do the trick, hopefully she wont want you losing money or getting into trouble with a boss.
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