A
female
age
41-50,
*untie Goddess
writes:I think I'm falling for my FWB.. At first this seemed like an ideal situation and we both approached the topic as adults. We listed our rules and expectations. He lives 45 min away (by car) and we see each other on weekends when he has time off and my kids are at their dads. One of my rules was no kissing. It would feel too intimate. We were at a party last month and got a little tipsy and started making out. That rule is now completely out the window.. We kiss randomly and the last few visits we blow kisses at each other. We hold hands and cuddle while we sleep. We play fight, have inside jokes and nicknames for each other (not pet names, random names). There hasn't been a day that has gone by that we haven't spoke to eachother once. Lately we talk during the last few hours before bed. He's the first person I go to when I have a problem and I hear all about his (he's such an easy going guy, he doesn't let much bother him but will express it when it does). I've noticed that we both are quite considerate about the other person. a lot more lately. A few weeks ago I was seeing a guy and was telling him about it and he seemed genuinely jealous. He told me about an event he's taking a girl to and I hid it quite well but I'm a little jealous too! The sex is phenomenal. This week we keep telling eachother that we can't get last weekend out of our minds.. I'm a few years out of a long marriage, he has never been in a long relationship. He has specified that he doesn't want a relationship of any sort because it's drama/bs. I have specified that I'm looking for a relationship. He and I both know that if one of us start dating, this arrangement is over. The other day I cleverly brought up a scenario in which he would move on and his gf wouldn't approve of our friendship.. He said nothing would change between us and then called it a weird topic and we shut it down.. I have started feeling like we're in a relationship. I was kind of hoping to nonchalantly open the door to the topic. He's clever, knew what I was doing. I'm sure but i really wanted to say it feels like its more than just friends. He's my best friend. I've spent more time invested in him than any other adult in the past few months (kids have been on vacation without me) I really enjoy his company and I know he enjoys mine otherwise he wouldn't drive so far to spend his only day off of work here. Nothing would change if we did get into a relationship. The distance still lies between us, his days off and mine would have to sync up in order for a visit, we'd probably talk just as much, conversations would stay the same. I know I should just enjoy the time I have with him now, Its fun and I havent' met anyone I want to spend time with more than him. I also feel that by not telling him I think I've caught major feelings I'm not being honest with him (and we're honest with eachother, to a fault). I'm scared that if I mention anything, he'll shut this down and if i don't mention anything and he meets someone my feelings are going to be crushed. What do i do? Anyone have any advice or similar situations to share? Ways to help me not have such romantic feelings for him? Any males offer advice from a man's POV? Thanks in advance! :)
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best friend, crush, jealous, kissing, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Auntie Goddess +, writes (3 September 2016):
Auntie Goddess is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for the advice. The day after I wrote this question a major disaster hit my life. Shortly after learning of this, he's at my door and hasn't left my side. I'm letting the feelings i have for him slide for a minute because I need my friend first. My feelings for him feel irrelivant right now due to the severity of the situation i'm facing but once I've sorted out the major issues I plan on telling him.. He's my best friend and I need his support/friendship and having him in my life is important to me regardless of the dynamic of our relationship. Side note - because we're so close I think he knew what I was thinking and we sort of had a discussion about our relationship with eachother. It was vague and because my head was elsewhere (and i spent a lot of time fighting tears) I didn't reciprocate the dialog, but from what i gathered - he's just as confused as i am. I"m sure we'll work this out in a way that doesn't hurt what we've spent years building.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 September 2016):
 I agree you need to tell him, it will only eat you up inside if you have falling for him. FWB works when two people have no feelings, but as soon as one person catches feelings they need to say it. He needs to decide then if he wants to be with you or not, if he doesn't then it is up to you if you want to keep sleeping with him knowing you have feelings that will only get deeper.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (1 September 2016):
 You need to tell him; once feelings are involved, the FWB either needs to stop or become a relationship - carrying on only gets people hurt.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 September 2016):
 So what does drama/bs mean? From my experience, it means usually, the woman expects more from the guy because once a week just isn't enough. She wants to know that she's worth more than just being the weekend girl. The guy would feel pressured to spend time with the girl even if he doesn't feel like it. As you attempt to spend more time together, sex stops being phenomenal. You worry that you aren't sexy to him anymore, or accuse him of being cold.
You have feelings for him, does that really have to translate into having a full blown relationship? You say nothing would change if it turned into a relationship? Does that mean you are content with just meeting once a week, indefinitely? That you don't care if one day one of you move closer to each other? Is it the title and exclusivity that you need only?
He might have his own version of what drama/bs mean. It could be related to his experience with his ex. What it means is that he's not willing to give more than the current arrangement. If he is, he would surely let you know without you prompting.
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