A
female
age
36-40,
*i_the_tree
writes:A couple of months back, one of my friends decided she wanted to be with my ex boyfriend as she had strong feelings for him (which i knew nothing about until it was too late)He and I had only just decided that we weren't going to stay in touch and within a week they were in a relationship.Naturally i was really angry with her. If she had waited a while to let me start to heal i suppose i wouldn't have minded so much, but it's the fact she chose her own feelings over our friendship so quickly!I've tried so hard to hate the pair of them but i've been conflicted recently. The thing is, I miss having her as a friend in my life!! It's so frustrating, i want to hate her to make it easier to deal with, but i miss her friendship at the same time!! I don't want my ex back at all and he has been in touch a couple of times, asking if i'm ok etc etc.I've been considering contacting her to tell her that i miss her friendship, but i just can't bring myself to do it as i'm desperately trying to hate her with everything i have!!!What do i do?????
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female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (4 May 2012):
fi_the_tree is verified as being by the original poster of the question The car is going soon anyway, just need to get the new one checked, then get money for it
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 who cares about the cost of the car... it can't be worth this heartache..
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (4 May 2012):
fi_the_tree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, there are some disturbing developments!!! I hope this makes sense!!
He has been in touch again saying that he misses me and how he never learns that things just aren't ok without me around. I've done my best to ignore things like these or stay aloof over it all. He says that he is scared and doesn't know what to do, and that he hates things as they are now. I've again told him that he needs some form of couselling, otherwise things will never get better for him (he never did it before because of the cost, but now he's financially stable he can do it!)
As far as i am still aware he is still in a relationship with my old friend, but he has recently appeared on a dating website that i'm also on. I'm looking for friends rather than dates, but his profile says that he is looking for a relationship!!!!
I know he can't be trusted and i'm doing my best to ignore and remain above it all, but i'm struggling. I'm so confused, and it is totally wiping me out. I can't block him just yet, as i still have his old car, but will be selling it back to him (only because i'll get the best price from him) as soon as i get a new one.
What the hell do i do????
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A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (28 April 2012):
For obvious reasons...this young lady is not the "Friend" you thought she was. I understand missing her friendship...but let me ask you....has she tried to contact you? To see how your coping with the end of your relationship!
I would not contact her & definately continue to give her space. Yes, forgiveness is in order. Hate is no good for anyone, but it is much to soon to let back into your life...under these circumstances. You don't need someone who is competing with you. Forgiveness does not mean you have to allow the person back in your life like nothing happened. No, it means that you are making a conscious choice to let my feelings of anger & dread for you go. What you did was not right, but I choose to let it go. She does not think she did anything wrong in the friendhsip here. So, don't value her more than she values you. The truth is...a real friend would not date your ex the moment you break up!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 April 2012):
 Sometimes it is best to try and forgive. I can totally understand why you feel the way that you do, believe me I do, but maybe you should contact her and ask her to meet up and just ask her why she done it, maybe it might give you some closure if she explains why she has done it and maybe it might help you see things clearer. I understand you miss her, and you can tell her that. But obviously it will take time on your side to get a friendship up and running again. But I think it is worth a try if she works hard on earning your forgiveness. Good luck.
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