A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This guy that I am seeing is on a dating site. A friend found it and showed me. I Hate him so much for leading me on. He dosent know I know that he on a dating site.I thought it was old but he just logged in hours before so I know he uses it. My friend set him up to see if he would respond and he did and said he was not with anyone on a "regular basis" his exact words. Right after she talked to him online he emailed wanting to see me that jerk! I asked him awhile ago if any changes between us let me know so we can either break it off or talk about I gave him a green light to dump me and he didnt say squat! I am mad for the lying why couldnt he just tell me the truth. I am going away on a trip so he thinks I am busy so I havent returned his calls or text. I need to tell him but how do I?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): "why couldnt he just tell me the truth."Maybe he's afraid that if he did you tell the truth, then he'd know that you knew he's been actively trolling for other women behind your back and that might piss you off enough to stop having sex with him and that would leave him without a reliable Plan B boink when he can't score an online hookup. Breaking bro code of silence by spilling dirty little secrets, but guys only voluntarily tell the truth when it makes them look good and only admit the truth when they have something to gain and/or nothing to lose from doing so; otherwise concocting a convenient lie is always easier and much more beneficial because chicks always believe anything guys say even when their words directly contradict their actions and behavior.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): How long have you been 'seeing' him. 'Seeing' someone does not imply you are exclusive. If this is a deal breaker for you, tell him you know he is on the dating site, and you are not interested in dating someone that dates other people at the same time. Alternatively, keep seeing him, and know you are open to 'seeing' others too, but do not sleep with him, till you are exclusive. Tell him, you do not sleep with someone you are not in an exclusive relationship with. He may leave you over this...but that is fine...he is not the sort of guy that fits with you. OR he may like the idea.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (28 April 2012):
 You state you are seeing him. "Seeing" someone is not at all exclusive and you have free range to see other people as well, i.e. keep your options open.
So have you two agreed upon exclusivity or not?
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Why not set yourself up on this same dating site (secretly of course) and then lead him on for awhile. Promise big things let it go on however long you feel like letting it play out. Then finally after he begs to meet you, agree to a meeting. Wear your sexiest dress, your sexiest heels, do your hair, your make up and then arrive before he does. Pick a very expensive, cozy little bar and wait for him to arrive. Make sure you sit where you can exit the bar easily. And when he walks in he'll see you. Wait until he comes over to the table and then throw your drink in his face and walk out. On the table you will have left a note. "It's over jerk. I don't date men who cheat". And then not only will you get your satisfaction but you will finally be rid of this two-timer. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): wait a minute. Did you and he have a supposed agreement to be exclusive? Or are you supposed to be just casual?
When he said he's not seeing anyone on a regular basis, maybe that is the truth if he really thought that you and him are not supposed to be exclusive.
you gave him a green light to dump you and he didn't, but that doesn't equate agreeing to be exclusive. He could have still thought that you're still seeing each other but only on a casual basis.
I think you need to clarify with him FIRST that yes you are supposed to be exclusive, and THEN confront him with this evidence and dump him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): How long have you two been dating?
Have you had the talk about being exclusive?
I ask because I had the same problem with my current boyfriend when we first started dating. He didn't know I knew about it, but we hadn't yet committed to each other exclusively. I took it as a yellow flag but not, at that point, a dealbreaker.
So what I did? I didn't tell him I knew about it but I did check back every few days to see if he was still going online. After about 2 months of dating we had become progressively more serious and he stopped altogether without me ever saying a word to him about it. In the 14 months since he has never logged back in to that profile, and he still doesn't know that I know he ever had one. Our relationship is amazing. He loves me, I'm positive he's faithful, and we may well end up married someday.
I guess what I'm saying is, if he's great in other ways AND it's early days in your relationship OR there has been no mention of exclusivity, you may be a little premature in calling it quits. But it sounds like you have strong feelings for him, so it's definitely time to sit him down and have that talk about being exclusive if you haven't already. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): He is like a lot of men he can't tell you truth because he wants to spare feelings or just want to have a back up plan sorry that sounds harsh but many men do have a back up plan! Don't spare his feelings tell him straight out "your a jerk"! We all have to stand up for our selves or people will walk all over you hope I helped.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 It sounds to me like you don't want to lose him that is why you are afraid of telling him, but believe me you can do so much better, you will never be able to trust him after this. You just need to say to him look I found out you where on this dating site and you have broke my trust and I want nothing more to do with you. I know it will be hard for you but you are better off without him and you need to drop all contact with him. good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 April 2012):
 You just tell him "I know about XYZ site and we are done"
and you go NO CONTACT (he will try to lie and say all sorts of things and make all sorts of promises)
you owe him no kindness
he lied to you
he cheated on you
he will always lie....
why are you so worried about how to tell him? are you afraid of something?
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