A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dated an older married man in an open relationship when I was a teenager. We went our separate ways after I couldn't handle my jealousy of his daughter being born, and the experience of losing me made him 'change' his ways so to speak. He divorced his wife at that time to convince me to come back, but I never did. He has remarried and has two kids. The experience was troubling and traumatic for me and I needed help to get over it.Now I'm a bit older and I'm currently with the man of my dreams. I receive texts from the married man every now and then with updates about his life, and he's told me that he misses me but I always remind him I'm with someone special now. I feel NOTHING towards the married man anymore. He was just a phase.Just recently, after a text one night, I found out that the married man was dating one of my close friends back in high school. I'm disappointed and upset. That friend KNOWS what happened between him and I and how traumatic it was for me when I was a teenager. And he had told me he changed and stopped the open relationship after being remarried.I talked to my boyfriend about this and he tells me if anything bad happened to her, it'd be her own fault because she knows what happened. I feel like I still have to rewarn her again and lecture him. It just irks me very much when people say they change and they don't. He offers a helping hand without the responsibility.If she gets hurt, would it be wrong of me to be like 'Oh well your fault. I warned you. ' ?):
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Yes, your bf is right, - don't interfere. She knows what happened to you , and if she decided she can handle this better than you- her choice.
If she geys hurt- NO: a good friend never says " I told you so ! ". What kind of help would that be ,making her feel more foolish than she already does ? Unless you care more about being right, than about helping a friend in times of trouble.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): NO! She's got a brain- she's making the choice. You are NOT responsible for her actions!
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