A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I am in a bit of a confusing situation. I recently transferred to a university. At the orientation, a guy approached me and I immediately got the vibe that he was "gay." His body movement, his gestures, his way of expressing himself...I don't know, if it's so much as gaydar, or experience--but I am pretty good at reading the signs. Or so I thought. So now that school is in session, I have a few friends and him. And we all hangout. More specifically, it's him and this girl and I who hangout everyday. He brings up girls, and I guess I should not seek any further than that. But something is unsettling about it all--either it's what my eyes want to see or he really is being insincere when he says he likes a certain type of girl.I told them both I am gay a few days ago, and they were both cool about it. Later that afternoon he brought up how he told his dad as a "joke" that might be gay. And he said his dad got mad at him. He also said his family is a bit on the traditional and conservative side. So my thing is, could these be signs of him gauging reactions from his family? But he also says he plays around a lot pretending to be gay with his friend, which leads me to believe he's not if he's willing to put that out there. But again, I am not fully sure what to think.Then yesterday, he began casually texting asking me a question about class. I made a short comment and this led to back and forth texts between us. This morning when he walked next to me he was like "your texts were hilarious last night."Then somehow that girl in our group has a few yearbooks with my photos, and he's like "oh my god you have to take a picture of him and send it to me."A gay friend that I spoke with today, and met this friend of mine I am so confused about...immediately asked me if he was gay. He then told me he sort of thinks this guy may like me...This gay friend doesn't know much, but he's sort of on the outside. Could their be truth to all of this? Am I just viewing this situation with rose tinted glasses? How can I cope with this? I really like his friendship above all. While he's a very handsome fellow, I just love spending time with him. Thanks ahead for all the replies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate! Thank you so much for your advice AuntyAunt. It's been helpful, but the situation continues to sort of throw me off. He and I hangout a lot, I enjoy his company. And he looks out after me in so many ways. He wants to teach me how to do things. He wants to lookout for me. With that in mind, I am going to go ahead and assume he's just a nice straight friend that I am fortunate to have. Though, I don't know how I can stop myself from liking him more than a friend more quickly. I prefer to view this more realistic than when I first posted the question. I am foolish to pursue him. So any advice on how to just move on? I can look at other options, but it's just hard to catch my interest. Especially when guys like him set the bar so high. I will appreciate any and all advice! Thank you very much to anyone who even bothers reading my dilemma, much more to those who respond.
A
female
reader, AuntyAunt  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 You think this is so strange because you're comfortable and open when your sexuality is concerned. Your friend could be gay, but then there's a chance he's not. There's no way to tell for sure really as I don't think a 'gaydar' is 100% reliable! You need to leave this down to him and let him decide for himself. For now i'd just go along with what he's putting out there. He obviously wants you to think he's straight at the moment, so respect that. Even if you don't believe it. If he is gay, he'll come out when he's ready. I wouldn't suggest asking him, he may feel it's a little personally invasive if you ask him this up front. Try dropping subtle hints. If he doesn't catch on.. leave him be. At the end of the day you value his friendship, what does it matter if he's gay or straight?Ignore what outsiders are saying and listen to your friend.Best of luck!
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