A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My friend has an 18 year old son who's living at home with her and her new husband. Her son's father is a waste of space.He dropped out of college without telling her and then got a job for about six weeks then walked out.Since then he's done nothing except sleep all day, go on facebook then go out with his mates in the evening.He pretends he's looking for a job but clearly isn't. She's cut off his money supply and taken away his mobile phone after running up a 200 pound bill in one month.He stubbornly refuses to get a job or contribute and my friend is very upset and feels a failure as a mother.What do you think she should do?Her son claims he can't understand what she gets so upset about.She's scared if she doesn't give him what he wants, money, clothes etc, he may fall in with a bad crowd or get involved with petty crime.Please help x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): A teenaged son needs a male authority figure. Can her husband chip in? Does he have a reasonable relationship with the boy?
They need to set rules. And stick by them. He can be asked to contribute to the house - not in money - but in chores.
These are just common sense tips...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): He is 18, not quite grown up but close enough to know the difference. Set some rules and if he doesnt comply then let him try to make it on his own for a while. This sort of behaviour could carry on for a long time if not addressed now. You friend is "scared if she doesn't give him what he wants, money, clothes etc, he may fall in with a bad crowd or get involved with petty crime" Would it be better or worse to have a 30 something year old kid living at home with no idea how to look after himself? If he gets into petty crime then on his head be it, he is old enough to be tried if caught. Tough love time I fancy.A sit down and frank conversation about his life and needs and her needs as a mother and as a woman who has her own life. See what he has to say for himself, try to get a committment to at least try to get a job and/or get active and evidence to back it up.
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A
male
reader, escribanus  +, writes (8 February 2010):
 What would have happened if I had make something like that to my parents???well, my parents wouldn't have allow me to keep living with them if I have drop out school. So I would have face a therapy session with doctor belt. After graduation i took a free semester, my dad consent it because he understood I need that time to explore what will I study, but he was plenty aware about my research on universities. I I've even thought about living like a lazy tramp, I would have to do it on the streets under a bridge, but after a therapy session with doctor belt.So, you should have a nice chat with him. Tell him that you wont support a lazy tramp at home, that he must finish the school and get a decent job. Reminds him that as long he lives on your home, is your way or the highway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): At first I thought you were talking about the sons father. But alright so the kid dropped out. Well what I think might be harsh but its what works for me: if he wants to screw himself over, let him. Kick him out and if the only solution he can find is to hang out with a gang and get involved in crime, he's not got a bright head on his shoulders. Unfortunately there is not much others can do if he doest take responsibility for his own life! He is adult now, not a child. His mother is a good mother who let him stay with her even when he does nothing with his life. But she might be spoiling him. Taking away his phone, I mean of course! Its her phone after all, she paid for it. If he wants new clothes he can get a job and buy them himself. If he wants to stay at his moms place then he has to work for her until he can find a real job. Meaning he cleans the house, does yard work, whatever is most suitable. Take away all computers and computer games and game consoles too. Let him sleep on the couch if he can't contribute.
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