A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I Need Some Help about My Friend.Okay, so she's 15 and had a boyfriend who had sex with her when she didn't want to, and then he broke up with her. she has been really down lately and finds it hard to talk about it. everytime I bring it up or want to try and help her she gets really angry and ignores me. I know that it might really hurt her to talk about it and it will take a while to get over but she wont tell anybody about what happened. I just need some help, I feel realy awkward x
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female
reader, It's all be okay +, writes (26 April 2010):
One of the most tragic things in life is not being able to help people you care about.
That's because, ultimately, people have to help themselves.
I would suggest that you do not bring it up. Just carry on being her friend. If she talks about it, just listen, and say "poor you". Don't give advice, unless specifically asked.
So long as she has not contracted any diseases or got pregnant, then her hurts are all emotional, and you have to let people deal with emotional hurts in their own way and recognise that people can be deeply upset for a very long time, but leave them to it.
Maybe think of some activities - going to see a film, going walking in the countryside, etc, and just distracting her and keeping her busy.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 Let her know that it is not her fault. She needs to stop blaming herself for his actions.
Not getting it out, is keeping hold onto the pain and the guilt. Over time, even when not consciously thinking about what had happened, the pain and guilt grows, and when it does so will her fears and inability to maintain a satisfying relationship with another.
Now, as far as you're concerned, you don't want to pressure her into talking or releasing this. That can ruin your friendship as well. Be there for her and comfort her. Hopefully, soon she'll decide to come around and open up a little bit more.
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 Sex is a big deal. Many people don't get that, and it can take a day or two after having done IT what exactly they have done and what affects it has had on them emotionally. The best thing that you can do is try to be nice and act normal around your friend. If she ever wants to talk about it then she will, it might not be to you, but if it is then just let her talk and be a friend.Give her some space and time.xx
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 I know you are worried, but you can't push her. It is easy for all of us to sit around and say what other people should do, but we are usually exemplary at ignroing our own advice when it comes to ourselves.
If it was you in her position you may be handling it the exact same way, ... so let her deal with it in the way that is 'right for her right now'.
Part of what she may need is to not discuss it, so let her know you care for her, will be there for her, will support her if and when she is ready to seek any help, and until then, bite your tongue, don't keep bringing it up coz you are making her pain surface when she is not ready to look at it.
If you persist, in trying to force things to unfold as you think they should instead of how she feels she needs, then you could loose her as a friend altogether.
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