A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm just going to get straight into it. I have a friend, i love her to bits and trust her. Well. Not so much now. I have an ex, who im extremely close with and she knows just how much. But everytime shes drunk she tries it on with him, they both tell me. Which bothers me a little. Then I had something going on with another lad, again she knew this, and on a weekend away for a mutual friends birthday, she ended up trying it on with him too. Now. I HAD one platonic friend, who i was really close to. again she knew this, but me and him started arguing and she advised me to get rid of him. so i did, she said she was proud and said that i didn't need him and i was well rid. We seen him a few weeks later, and she seen how much being around him effected me. I went on facebook to see her being all pally pally with him and completely sucking his arse, and then bragged about seeing him on a night out. Why would she do all this? Were supposed to be friends. I feel like shes becoming more like a frenemy! Is there ANY of my friends or anyone i'm remotely close to that she hasn't homed in on. What i want to know is whether its just me that would get annoyed by something like this? Am i being stupid?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would just like to say thankyou to you all for your answers, they've all given me a lot to think about. I would just like to say to celtic_tiger that I actually have'nt had that many boyfriends as you are assuming. The first one I mentioned I waited a year before I finally agreed to go out ewith him, the second one I was currently seeing when my friend ended up with him (yes I know he's not perfect for ending up with her either). The third one I mentioned, was a platonic friend. That makes 2 exs and an ex friend, not a million boyfriends haha. Its not about getting upset over the ex's its the fact she knows everything I went through with each one and ends up with them. On the other hand I do see where your coming from and thankyou for your answer.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (30 August 2011):
 I don't think you are being stupid, and yes, if she is going after ALL your exes (how many have you had?!) then she may have some issues, perhaps she is jealous of you, or maybe she thinks you are better than her, so she goes for your ex boyfriends to be like you? It could actually be she is trying to copy you, so she can be as popular and attractive to the guys? If you have had as many boyfriends as your post hints at (multiple exes), then you obviously have no trouble getting a boyfriend, or worry about getting rid of them. Perhaps she does?
On the other hand, I do think you need to get a grip on reality. They are your EX boyfriends. They can date, see, flirt with or have sex with anyone they choose to, and you cant do anything about it. Im not condoning her behaviour, but sometimes things happen we dont like.
They are ex's for a reason, something wasn't right with your relationships. Either you dumped them, or they dumped you, but mutually it wasn't working. So why are you getting upset over something that would never have worked?Yes I know it's probably very annoying and irritating to see your friend going after them, but she isn't doing anything that wrong, these are all single boys - she isnt trying to steal your current boyfriend. More fool her if they are idiots!
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A
male
reader, Kyle007  +, writes (30 August 2011):
Well, at least she has the decency not to go for these guys while you are still involved with them. Its like this, you have a guy, you really like him, so you talk to your friend about how wonderful he is and all that. So naturally she gets interested too. After all, you influence how she feels.
That being said, to continually do this is disrespectful of your feelings. And since she is jumping from guy to guy, she should have learned by now that this is not leading to anything that lasts. These guys aren't any better for her than they are for you.
Is this the only thing that she does that bothers you? Because I have a feeling there are other things too. If there are, you need to find a new friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): No, you aren't being stupid. What your friend is doing is not only annoying, but it's also disrespectful.
You should sit your friend down to talk about what she's doing. She may be a shameless flirt, or she may just have a desire to date all the guys you've dated. Calmly explain how you're feeling and let her talk, too. Use statements that reflect on yourself, like "I feel upset when it seems like you go after my exes" instead of "You make me mad because you're always going after my exes." See the difference?
If your friend blows you off or gets upset with you for talking to her about it, as you said, perhaps she isn't a true friend to you at all. Hopefully, though, she just hasn't realized how she's been making you feel, and letting her in on your feelings will help her understand.
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