A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys,Am I a doormat?Twas my bf's birthday over the weekend, really annoyed that he wasn't happy with anything. I organised a party and was given out too because he said he didnt want one. Then I was given out too for inviting the wrong people. Then I was told off for not making his birthday fry fast enough despite the fact id had 5 hours sleep the night before, and again for not having organised the party better - things left until the last minute etc. He even made an embarrassment comment to guests that I was having none of it when he wanted birthday sex that morning. He totally seemed to overlook all I had done, and the fact that I did it on relatively no sleep since Id been getting 5 hours a night! (too much to do to sleep 8hrs). He also gave out because (for the first year ever) I didnt have a physical gift for him to open - just a card... which I guess is bad but I'd been mad busy/wasn't sure about the financial side of things and wanted to wait to discuss where he'd like me to take him on a trip as his gift.All in all, Im feeling very under appreciated which I was feeling anyway. Id sent him an email in work outlining this and he didnt even read it or forward it to his home email!! Its like it didn't even register as being important to him.He finally came around to saying he was very grateful for the party, but that he is still hurt he got no actual gift from me. (cake, helium balloons, food etc doesn't count?)Am I right in thinking he is overly critical and non-appreciative?What would you have said?Thanks! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 He didn't want a party to begin with though, so next time don't give him one. The entire scene could have been avoided if you just stopped trying to please him all the time. Screw what he thinks! If he doesn't like what you try to do then stop treating it as if he is the parameter of your capability. He's not. If he doesn't like it you don't need to do it. Take it as a lesson to stop trying to please him, and instead be a bit more selfish. Do what YOU want to do for yourself instead of trying to do things HE might want.
I do believe he is taking you for granted, seeing as he feels the right to complain about the lack of a gift. Tell him that a gift is something to receive, not something to expect! And he already got his gift in the form of the party and all the work you did for him.
As for the birthday sex comment, again a clear sign that he takes you for granted. If he respected you he'd first of all not expect sex from whenever he wants as if he's entitled to it, second he would respect you enough to not discuss your sex life in such a manner in front of others and humiliate you.
He was putting you down because he takes you for granted and has no respect for you. And, I think maybe you've allowed him to do this for quite some time, because you let his satisfaction determine your happiness. Shouldn't be like that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): What an ungrateful pig! What an unrespectful dog!
End it now. No its not confidence you need but self respect and to cast this guy aside and tell yourself that you deserve better.
Dont settle for this, even if he wasnt thrilled he should of had manners enough to thank you and make the best of the situation and saw the effort you put in.
Get him a pysical present, a book with the theme of how to be a real man and how to act around women. Then say good bye!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your replies, I appreciate them.Eddie85 you have made a vaild point that he may have perceived it differently than I had envisioned he would. It genuinely was meant to be a social gathering for him though and a way in which to celebrate his birthday. Overall, I am just tired from having worked hard and upset that he did not appreciate it. Yes, hopefully next year I will get it right if we still are a couple.Its just for now, I am feeling like I cannot do anything right in his eyes and that is why I wanted a second opinion. I guess this is a bigger issue which is centred around the fact that he belittles or negatively responds to all my attempts to do good.Denise32, thank you also.Your response made me laugh and I do appreciate the confident woman approach which I think is correct in this instance to some extent. Overall, I suppose I will have to take on board the fact that he was not as chuffed as I thought he would be and that I could have done everything better. x
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 Well, I think you've learned something about your boyfriend during this session. It seems that he has some very different expectations for his birthday than you did.
It definitely sounds like you went out of your way to make it a happy day for him. However, I do have to ask you, did you do the birthday party for him, or was it a social event for you? He may not have been appreciative of it, in the fact he really didn't want a social party, he wanted one-on-one time with you. I know sometimes people have a vision of what is the perfect birthday and you and him may have had different views on what that is. Did you work together on this party or was it a surprise?
While it is sad that he didn't appreciate all the hard work you did, I definitely think you came out with a better understanding of what is important to him and should you still be together next year, you should be able to give him the birthday present that will knock his socks off: simply you and your undevoted attention to just him.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (30 August 2011):
 What would I have said?
It's very simple: "Goodbye."
...............................
|
