A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a male friend who I have a purely platonic friendship with. I've known him about 18 months and in that time we have had quite a few arguments. Its always regarding us arranging to meet and him then blowing me out. I appreciate people are busy but my problem is he doesn't cancel- just goes silent. For example last weekend he said he was free sunday afternoon and did I fancy a drink. I agreed and said was 3pm ok. Then silence for over a week. He's a good guy and I appreciate there are differences with the way men and women conduct friendships but I'm really fed up with this now. Firstly its just rude, secondly he knows very well that it upsets me and thirdly I just feel like he can't be that fussed about our friendship if he continually does this.Should I dump him as a friend because of this or just accept that's the way he is? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Ah, that is my biggest pet peeve. How friends say they're going to go out with you Thursday night to that hot new sushi restaurant but they bail on you at the last minute or don't pick up their phone when you're trying to confirm Thursday night that they're going. I HAD a few friends like that..after a while I got tired of their antics and the friendship faded.
If he doesn't have the time to invest in this friendship or stands you up like you're a date he's not interested in, then he's a friend who's not worth keeping.
A
male
reader, als77  +, writes (11 January 2011):
I have some friends who are always late, and that irritates me, but at least they show up...
Have you confronted him with it? I can only think of one acceptable (???) reason of him blowing you of and going silent, and that is if he has severely emotional issues. A person with such issues may struggle seeing people and, even though he might have any intention to see you like planned, his courage might crumble in the last second (and, although cowardly, it may seem easier to ignore the meeting than calling you and telling you).
I think this behaviour is disrespectful towards you, and as a general rule I don't think you should accept it. I would've confronted him with it (after all, it is much easier to respect and forgive people if you know where they're coming from)
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (11 January 2011):
It sounds like he does not value your friendship as much as you do his.
You can only bring it up and ask him what happened, and see if he even realises what he is doing?
Do you fancy this "friend" by any chance?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I ve had friends like that. Its not going to last, he annoys u , its obvious, you ll drop him eventually.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 No no no. Manners are not gender specific. It's not that he is excused from being polite because he is a man.
If dumping him as a friend or accepting his rude ways, that's entirely depending upon your definition of friendship.
Personally, in my definition there is no place for people like this guy. Someone who does not respect his word, and most of all my time, I would never consider him a friend.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (11 January 2011):
 hi
very annoying! i would carry on being his mate, carry on making plans to see him if you like but then don't you worry about it if you want to do something else or get an invite to go elsewhere, so that way if you see him as planned, great, but if not at least you've got somewhere else to be! don't let the get together with him be your first priority cos it sounds like it is not his first priority. not letting you know its off is pig ignorant in my book
xx
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