A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I separated from my husband last year and have started seeing someone else, a friend's husband, who are also separated. It's has got quite serious and we have been seeing each other secretly for several months. I know I am playing with fire, but, we have found something in each other that both of us cannot let go of, after several heart wrenching conversations. I know so much about their marriage from both his ex and him, and this really troubles me as I feel I am cheating on her too, even though she left him. My friend and I did use each other to lean on when we both went through that difficult time of leaving our husbands.So apart from the guilt, I am very concerned about one other issue. Apparently my new lover “cross dresses” (but he has not told me and I have seen no evidence of it), and this secret has been known by me, my husband and a couple of other people for a long time as his ex discussed the problem with us a year or so before they split and she swore us to secrecy, which all of us have upheld. He does not know that anyone knows about this other than him and his ex. It is possible that the whole thing is untrue but it would be totally out of character for my friend to lie about such a big thing, although it has always been highly unbelievable.If our relationship was to be discovered, then both his ex and mine could or would use this as retaliation as our relationship would defiantly upset them both and then it will all blow up into an almighty mess. We have been very careful, but affairs always get found out in the end and there have been a few awkward questions which have lead me to think that both our ex’s have some suspicions.Do I warn the him about what I have been told by his ex (true or not), and who else knows, (bearing in mind the very tricky subject), keep it to myself and remain extremely paranoid about it, or do I finish this relationship anyway before we get in too deep to save everyone’s emotions and feelings.... which I'm afraid may be too late as I fear I have fallen in love with him and he has told me this too – so we would both be hurt again.This is not a rebound on both our parts, we had discussed how much we both liked each other before our marriages broke up, but did not do anything about it and this relationship had nothing to do with our marriage break ups, however it has driven us together amongst other similarities in our lives.
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affair, broke up, friend's husband, her ex, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ingotblue +, writes (18 January 2007):
 Well if he does cross dress does this affect you in any way? are you wholly adverse to the idea? it could be that she is lying you just dont know how people react under "stress" and lets face it splitting up is a very stressful situation to be in, have a think to yourself, if he is a crossdresser then how would you feel about it? would you be supportive?
If the answer is yes then yuo will be able to provide support, and therefore ask him in a sympathetic way.
I think that he does need to know that these things have been said about him as it is unfair for him to be in the dark.
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