A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a relationship problem that I would like advice with. My boyfriend and the father of my child has left me. We had a disagreement about money. The way things are is that I pay all the bills, rent, food, childcare costs (we both work), heating, council tax etc.. and buy everything for the house and pay for the car and he just gives me £130 pw when he is working. he has no bills in his name and he contributes nothing else. Compared to what I pay every week, £130 is less than a 1/4, I am a student on a bursary and all of my money goes out on bills. Since we have been living together for 9 months he has been unemployed for 4.5 months and I get no house keeping from him during this time also he does no childcare or anything around the house (cooking, cleaning etc..). This means that effectively he has only been giving me about £65 pw. He told me that he was leaving his job this week as the money was not good enough (he is coming off-site for a short while until his boss gets something else and his hourly rate goes from £9ph to £6ph then back to £9 when he returns to a site). He wont work for less than £10 an hour and expects me to keep him while he is looking for something else. He is very bad at getting jobs and it has typically taken him between 6 weeks and 3 months to find something else. I tried to dicuss it with him telling him that he should either pay me more housekeeping when he is in work to cover the long periods of unemployment or stay in work, but he wouldn't listen, the argument led to me telling him to leave. He didn't want to even discuss it, packed his bags and has left. The question is, am I right in asking him for more money. I am very sad that he has gone, but I feel that unless he can make the changes its not going to work as I think he is free-loading. I cant believe that he found it so easy to pack his bag and go, leaving me and his daughter.
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male
reader, dave5678  +, writes (27 June 2008):
As a Male I agree with everything you've done. Don't be another woman that has to have a man around even though the man is a pile of crap. Do what you need to do. Sounds like you are handling things just right and are taken care of YOUR daughter. I emphasize YOUR because the day he packed his bags with zero argument is when I believe he lost his right to be dad, father, papa, etc. Also he definitely better start helping some way. In the USA he could get a warrant for his arrest for skipping child support.
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (27 June 2008):
 I think you are better off without him, I cant believe he wont work for less than £10 an hour, most people cant be that selective. He knows that when he is out of work you will support him so there is absolutely no incentive to find work.
If you really want him back then it has to be on your terms and no I dont think you are asking too much. He has a child to support, you are doing your bit by working and he should do his bit too even it means working for minimum wage x
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A
female
reader, lalybug2008 +, writes (27 June 2008):
 In my opinion, because I have a free loading boyfriend of my own.. you did the right thing. According to your post, it seems as though he's basically care free about holding down a job. Why should he? You pay for everything and everything is in your name. So what does he have to worry about? For him to up and leave like that shows where he holds you and his daughter. Not very high whereas you two should be priority 1 and 2. You know what's right and what's wrong. And you did what you felt was the right thing to do... and it was! I only wish I had the strength to do the same thing for myself and my daughter and son. Good luck and keep your head up. There are plenty of men out there!
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 I think it is very good you took a stand for yourself and your daughter. If he is interested enough in staying and in working out this situation he will come back. If he doesn't then that is definitely a message of his commitment to you and your daughter.
However, for this or future references, men don't like being "thrown" out. And if he feels he is not providing as much as he'd like/thinks he should, he might feel insulted by being asked for more money and feeling incapable of providing it and then thrown out because of it. So that might explain he was not hesitant to leave when asked.
Give some time to time and you will find out his motivations and feelings towards you and your relationship. Best of lucks!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): Definetly!A family consists of BOTH PARENTS and a child(ren).He should be helping pay the bills and doing the housework.He is obviously very irresponsible as he has left
the most important thing,his child.He should have kept his
job,not working for under L10 AN HOUR.That's crazy.Of course I'm an American and have never been to the UK,so I
don't know how much that is.But however much it is,he should of kept.It may have not been a lot,but he would have been making an effort to try to support you and your daughter,or just his daughter.Take it to court and ask
for child support from him.
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