A
female
age
36-40,
*sdgaf910
writes:I've now been married for a year and 2 months. People always say the first years the hardest when we spent half that year not living together... three months last year i went to my parents for that time.. caeuse we were somewhat rocky.. and i needed a job... so i was there i came back here.. was living back with him again for about three months.... and we started fighting again... so he kicked me out... and i moved in with my best friend.... the whole time we were apart i would come over and spend the night with my husband and he would be affectionate.. and loving... and we talked about me moving back in with him.. so i did.. its been about... four months since ive moved back in... we are fighting once again.. i had the job but quit due to hostile environment... and you know every year we have to file taxes.. he wasnt gunna tell me we got it back cause oh wait forgot to mention.... we have seperate bank accounts... so all of our tax money went to his account... he told me its his money... cause i asked him if he could put some money into my bills also and he tells me maybe... we had a arguement and i told him my foots in the door and out for him to change his ways or im walking out and never looking back and granting myself a divorce... he still has change... now im talking to my mom and talking bout leaving... be makes me feel like the smallest person in the world... like a trophy wife he wants me around to prove he has a wife... he has all these rules for me... but when i try to do things with friends its a huge problem.. i need help cause im 3eady to get a divorce.
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best friend, divorce, money, moved in Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (19 February 2011):
 I hope you re-read your question and ask yourself: is this the husband / type of marriage you really want for yourself? Where do you see yourself with this man, say in 5, 10, 15 years?
Generally the first year is about some adjustment and learning about each other, but what you describe, it sounds like outright warfare. Why did you get married in the first place?
If you have children together, I think you owe it to yourselves to get counseling and try and work things out. They deserve a happy family but two mature, caring adults.
If you are childless, I think, ultimately, you have to decide for yourself if things can be worked out or if you've made a mistake. I'd talk to a competent divorce attorney and enlist your family's help and make sure you are covered as far as taxes go.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, msdgaf910 +, writes (19 February 2011):
msdgaf910 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you. My mom says the same thing. So I know the answer. Didn't intentionally get married for a divorce... but sometime it's not meant to be.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 Well hunny it sounds to me like you have made up your mind, therefore I think you should go ahead with the divorcee. If he is making you feel small and is not meeting you in the middle then he is not worth the pain. It sounds to me like he doesnt treat you the way a husband should treat his wife. Therefore I think you are doing the right thing. Go and seek advice on a divorcee and leave him once and for all. He will be the one that has lost out not you. You are still only young so you have your whole life to get back on track and find someone that deserves you and treats you right. Goodluck Sweetie.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (19 February 2011):
 If you don't have children together then I think you should get a divorce. The sign of an unhealthy relationship is constant on again off again situation. If you do have children then go to marriage counseling and see if you can't improve your communication skills, that said I think it is very unlikely that the relationship can be saved. But when you have kids you really need to earn your way out of the marriage, making sure you have tried everything to make it work and if it can't after getting help then you have nothing to feel guilty about and you can call it a day.
You are very young, there is no reason to stay in a bad marriage for the next 50 years...the first year is the hardest, but this is gross immaturity at play here, neither of you are ready to be married to anyone from the sounds of things.
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