A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship (my first sexually active one) for 1 year and a few months now and my girlfriend has still not been able to give me an orgasm. I have narrowed this down to these possibilities1. Watching porn too often (every day) and masturbating - I do this as she can't give me blowjobs or handjobs as often as I'd like due to her feeling tired or her parents are in (it's much easier for her to be pleasured than me - because it's easier to conceal). I have tried not masturbating for a week but that didn't help.2. Her technique - She is amazing at giving blowjobs but I do not ejaculate from them (which I know is common). I have tried to instruct her on how to give me a handjob properly but she doesn't have the endurance and sometimes it can hurt as she squeezes too hard.Additional notes: She doesn't want to have sex as she is not ready (which I am happy with) and I accidently slipped a finger into her vagina whilst rubbing it and it made her feel violated and cry - it was pretty hard for me to see her like that, so I hugged her tightly and vowed not to penetrate her ever again.Also, I have recently told her not to give me any handjobs or blowjobs because I believe it to be too much trouble for her and I (not ejaculating, feeling tired, her self-esteem as I don't ejaculate)But, how can I get past this block and ejaculate by her stimulation?
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male
reader, Tom14916  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Absolutely drop the porn. Also, if you always masturbate the same way, change your routine. Always use your right hand? Make yourself use your left hand. Use one particular lubricant? Change it often. Use a tight grip on yourself while jerking? Learn how to get off on less of a death grip. Masturbating every day? Cut it down to every other day, and don't do it early on the same day that you're getting together with your girlfriend.
There was a story some years back about a man paralyzed from the neck down. He could reach orgasm just by *thinking* about sex. Shows that a lot of the "sexual response" is in our heads. So be really patient with both yourself and your girlfriend, and keep trying.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Spiderpig is right on.
Bud, porn can stimulate our minds to the extent at which we depend on it for orgasm and thats unhealthy because our minds only become used to a certain stimulation, visual, not physical. If you become more used to physical stimulation, natural stimulation, by your GF, this situation will hopefully go away. Def eliminate the porn as Im sure if she found out, she'd be unhappy. Its okay man, we make mistakes and we r all here on this board to help. Good luck.
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