A
female
age
41-50,
*okiogirl
writes:Hi,I was in a casual relationship during the last seven months. He was so happy with me and always caring. It was a long distance relationship and we knew from the beginning we cannot have something serious. I have feelings for me and i thought he shared those. It was an insane thing between us.Last time I saw him - mid september - he was weird, saying he misses very much me but we should not feel this way. At the same we never felt closer. Then he started to pull away. Acting distant. I didn't ask, gave him time but keeping contact - just texting once per week or so. But I knew something was wrong. Then I couldn't take it anymore and I asked. He said that he was confused, could not see things straight but after some thought he does want spend time with me.This message was very confusing because it was unclear to me if he wanted to continue with this relationship or if he was meaning stay just friends. He also asked what prompted my email. Honesty for honesty. So I sent him an email back explaining how I feel about our relationship, like an spectator and he coming at his leisure and i do not want to be treated as a random girl. It was not a complain, jut i needed to share those feelings and i didn't want to break up either. He didn't reply.Then we texted a bit, he was being really cute and asked to explaining some plans I have. I sent him a long email about those plans - as he can help me with them - and I mentioned why he never replied to my other email. This was last sunday. I never heard from him.I do not know what to do. I guess is over. I miss him so much but I think he does not care at all about my feelings. If he wanted to break up with me why he didn't send a clear line: "we should stop sleeping together but I want to be friends" ? Why he never reply to my email, he knows I am a extremely caring person, not demanding and not the type to make scenes. Share my feelings is extremely difficult for me so his silence is even more hurting. I really thought he cared more about me. As a friend, as a person. I didn't contact him from last sunday. I feeling really sad and I cannot see what I did wrong.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 The definition of a casual relationship is that one does not have much responsibility of how the other feels. If it comes, great, but if it goes, oh well.
"we should stop sleeping together but I want to be friends"
When people say that, it's better than saying, bye, see you next life. Very few people really stayed friends and if they did, they give them false hopes so the last thing he wants is to lead you on and use you. There is no need to force things out of him. There are sufficient reasons why this is over. You said it yourself at the first mail. The relationship is no longer satisfying you because you want more. He pulls away when it got dangerous. He cared about you at the moment he saw you but not enough to move this relationship into a deeper level. It could be a million reasons. He's married, he's a committment phobe, it could be distance. But looking for the truth will not make you feel better. You did nothing wrong and it's not something you can fix. You should not take this personally. He does not have what it takes to make a woman happy.
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