A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I got engaged last month, and we were so happy.Then, we got a nasty surprise. A girl, whom he had a brief relationship with back before we met has turned up out of the blue, saying she loves him and wants him back and to leave me!! Of course, he told her where to go, but she won't leave us alone.He claims (and tbh, I feel he is telling the truth,) that he didn't even kiss her the relationship was so brief, and he is totally mystified at why she has suddenly rocked up declaring undying love for him. He says he didn't even think she liked him that much when he knew her! Lots of his friends and family are backing him up, saying that they were never really an item and he was never that gone on her.I've heard that this girl has drug problems, and suffers with mental illness. It says openly on her FB that she suffers with personality disorder.But, we have had to delete our facebook accaounts because she bombarded us both with messages on how he should be with her. She's even turned up at our house, my fiance told her if she didn't f#@k off he'd ring the police, and she eventually went, but I've spotted her lurking near our garden a few times. He then said he had had enough and phoned the police, but they said there was little they could do, as she hadn't actually broken entry to our property. They couldn't do anything about her being in the street. This has put such a downer on our engagement that I actually am considering breaking it off. How can we get this girl out of our lives??????
View related questions:
engaged, facebook, fiance, stalking Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (8 August 2014):
 Its very hard when you are dealing with someone with a complicated mental health disorder, and even though it isn't an excuse, it makes it much more trickier.
Having a split personality disorder is hard, not just for that person to deal with, but for everyone else around them. I had a friend with a split personality disorder, and she displayed similar things to what this girl does.
She was with a guy for a short while about a month, during the relationship she made out she didn't like him, they would always argue and they were only together for a month.
I started to get into a bit of a complicated thingy magicy with him (this was way after they had broken up and i'd only recently become friends with her) She said how happy she was and she had no problem with it.
Then as time went on, she would do drastic things whenever all of us were out together, she would purposly cause dramas, get into fights, and always make herself a victim hoping he would come to her aid and with me sometimes she would be nice and all that, and other times she would be nothing but cold.
So maybe her problem with her personality, and confilicting issues to do with her past has whats caused to suddenly be in "love" with him, and I suspect drugs don't make it any better.
However of course its no excuse for her stalking you or harrassing you, especially as its hurting your relationship so much. First thing I can suggest you do is look into anyone you could get in contact with to help her, I know you probably won't want to do this, but of course I myself worry extremely when someone is going around clearly mentally ill, and they are not recieving help or support for it, if she is then its a different story, this is just a suggestion however and if you'd prefer not to to that then no worries.
The next thing you can do is start the process of getting a restraining order against her, if you have a restraining order it means the person will be automatically arrested if they are in a certain distance from you, I have had to almost get one before and the measures to do so are pretty easy.
First you need some evidence, you need to try and remember the dates times and whatever of when she has been stalking you/ harassing you. If you have any saved messages then keep them and print them off.
If she hasn't been doing this for that long, then wait a month to gather more evidence, write everything she does down, dates and all. The only rule on all of this is that throughout this time period you and your boyfriend haven't gone out of your way to provoke or purposely contact her (I doubt you have) so that a restraining order can be placed.
Then I think you either have to get in touch with a solicitor or your council to speak to someoen about getting a restraining order in place, this will most likely happen in your case.
Once it happens, if she is near you, your workplaces, property and the police are called, she will be arrested, and eventually if she does it more than once, possibly imprisoned.
I hope this has helped some what. Good Luck x
A
female
reader, -BMBTL- +, writes (8 August 2014):
 "A girl, whom he had a brief relationship with back before we met".. "He claims (and tbh, I feel he is telling the truth,) that he didn't even kiss her the relationship" - I am sure that things did happen as I don't think this girl would be so hung up.
Obviously, she is jealous as he is engaged to you and wants to be with him. But the only thing YOU can do, together, is to write down everything that happens, when it happens, the date/time, and exactly what happens. E.g - Girl was outside our house on the 8th August at 18.15pm until 19.10pm. This gives some basis of her harassing you.
With that you CAN go to the police with your evidence of your diary, additionally if you can take photos to prove that she was 'lurking' this will back you up. She will then get a warning and if she doesn't succumb to that, then further action will be taken.
Don't let it upset you too much, but I understand how anxious and frustrated you will be feeling.
Maybe there is more to their 'brief relationship', or as you say, she has a personality disorder and thinks things that aren't true!
I hope it gets sorted out in the end. Good luck! :)
...............................
|
