A
male
age
51-59,
*ghghg
writes:My fiancee recently asked for permission to kiss two other men before we get married. We are going to get married in about a year. She said she just wanted to get it out of her system. I didn't really think about it much and said she could. The next day she went to a coffee shop met a friend of hers, another man, he then drove her to a bookstore where they were holding hands and getting close to each other. At this time I had no idea any of this was going on. I tried calling her several times but she turned off her phone. She finally told me what was going on when she was driving back to our home where I was taking care of her daughter. Well not actuialy the whole story right away. At first she said she was just hanging out with people but eventuily I got the rest out of her. I almost died. It really hurt me. We have been faithful to each other for seven years! I told her the deal was a mistake. And she was not to hang out with her "friend" anymore. It has been two days since this happened. It has shaken my faith in our relationship. She now says she won't go ahead with her plan but that she still wants to. I'm not sure I can trust her. I've lost a lot of sleep over this. I truly love her and her daughter. I want and need her to be happy. She promised it would only be kissing. I'm lost and don't know what to do. Any suggestions would really be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): i dont really have any advice but guys as sweet and understanding like u make me jealous. she definatly doesnt deserve u!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): me and my boyfriend enjoy going out together and we ask each other permission to kiss other people we find it more relaxing and easier to enjoy the club scene buts thats as far as it ever goes we would never cheat on each other as we no the limits some people thinks its wierd and it doesnt work for them but dont prosume shes sleeping with people she is probably freaking out about the wedding and wants her last nights of freedom to recindle what shes never going to do again talk to her and let me know how it goes
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): People will only push you as far as you allow them to. She's using you as her personal babysitter so she can go screw around with other men. She is intentionally disrespecting and cheating on you. She doesn't respect you, and I'm sorry to say but she can't possibly love you. I think she only wants to be with you because you're an easy target, she gets a babysitter and gets to go f*uck around and you let her do it. Get some self respect. There are good women who would love to have a nice person like you out there. Don't waste it on this slut.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 September 2007):
 It is time to tell her goodbye. There is no getting something off your chest when your engaged to be married. That's just crazy, and very slutty behavior. Her getting close with this person it's clear that her intentions with you are not what you would like them to be. She's engaged and trying to play the field too, that is not good behavior for someone you choose to marry.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Hi,
Yes I have a suggestion: Dont marry her. What is she thinking, I presume she is not a teenager. And why would you agree to this.
I am sorry but I think you are heading for disaster with this woman. She lets you babysit, then sod's off out with another guy, holding hands. Sorry but I think she is using you.
How hard is she going to push you. You deserve a lot better.
Tellulah XXX
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 First of all, why did you tell her she could do this? That is a mystery to me. Second, she is not ready to be in a relationship...with anybody. If you leave her, she'll be sad but she'll also be happy with her new freedom. Once the novelty wears off, she might not be so pleased but she will have gotten her curiosity satisfied.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): Holding hands with another man and turning off the phone so that you wouldn't "bother" them, while you were taking care of the daughter. How did your pride take this? Before reading the whole story I thought you were her only partner and she developed a certain curiosity. However, since she has a daughter, we're not talking about curiosity, but about the desire to seek variation, to experiment, who is very likely not to stop now. She said she canceled the plan but "didn't want to." This means she's acting to please you, but the desire is still there, imminent. Does she not find sufficiency in this relation or she wants to be sure she doesn't regret marrying or is not ready for marriage? Some people claim that cheating strengthens their initial relationships, and they wouldn't even tag it as cheating, with this sexual revolution going on. Some people are built in that manner, risky, I'd say. If it's permissible to you, go ahead and accept the nonconformism and don't be surprised when she engages in the latest trends that you may as well find uncomfortable. A woman who tells you she wants to be with other men before marriage is at least viewing differently what you have together, a supposedly an exclusive relationship? but she doesn't sound the adept of those? Maybe you're not, either? Else, how can you cope with this? Here's your red flag. Judge what you wish. Be led by this, and decide if she can offer it. Or talk it over. Maybe have a break and let her sort her problems. All the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): I think you know where this is going: she's not ready for a celibate commitment to you.
This week she wants to flirt and kiss, what if she wants to try screwing someone else, "to get it out of her system"?
She can obviously see the pain and anguish this is causing you, yet she chooses to go ahead deceitfully and rub your nose in it by asking you to mind her daughter while she fools around.
You need to decide if you can live with this woman wanting her cake and eating it, can you turn a blind eye if she's discreet?
It sound like you can't though, so my advice is get out now before she breaks your heart completely.
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