A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner is not supporting me, not easy to talk to about domestic issues and is not pulling his weight, how should i approach him about this?Me and my fiance have been together for almost 4 years and have a sixth month baby. We rent a house and were suppose to be getting married in a couple of years. I have just returned back to work and I work really long hours, he is self employed and business is certainly not booming. I go to work about 7am and my mum picks up our daughter about 9am. I pick her up about 6pm.When i get home nothing has ever been done and i seem to be doing everything, washing, cooking, cleaning... paying all the bills and keeping a roof over our heads. I havent enough fingers to count the amount of times i have come home to a messy house and him playing on the x box!! He has complained as we have probably on had sex about 14 times since our baby was born but i have no energy and am starting to dispise him because he doesnt pull his weight. He drinks and smokes and regardless of financial situations doesnt ease up on either. I have tried talking to him before but we end up arguing and then he pretends its not happened the next day. I just dont know what to do, I want to at least try before giving up on us, he is a fantastic father to our little girl and they love each other loads.Arrrggghh... so stuck in a rut!!!!
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female
reader, Full moon temptress1 +, writes (22 November 2009):
You need to get this sorted before youget married.It sounds like he is starting to take you for granted.When you are both calm,sit down and talk to him about how you feel.Say you are too tired to have sex because you come home from a fullday and then you have to do ALL the chores.Ask him if he thinks thats fair.Tell him he is a fantastic father and you love him very much,but you need his help.Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): Basic living together rule, I know is different and more difficult when you're not living with a random person but your partner but still. If you care more about a tidy house than he does, you're the one who needs to clean it. I would suggest to stop care so much. If you're too tired from work to clean the place up, why bother? Just leave it. If he complains, let him clean it for once. If he doesnt complain, you know you can always leave things a mess if you're too tired and he'll be fine with it.
As for the money issue, that is a more serious problem. Why do you pay the bills? You two are not married yet, so your money isnt his. He needs to pay his share, or else you two are going to go bankrupt, unless you make real good money with your current job. Can you afford taking care of him and you as well as a small child? And even if you can, clearly you are not willing to accept that.
Once married, the situation will be different as then by law your money will be his and vice versa. But for now, its yours. That means if he can't pay the rent he needs to find a cheaper place to stay, that means you two need to move somewhere else. Or he can get out. Not to be too harsh but thats where this will go unless you are willing to pay for his share.
Where does he get money for cigarettes? Remember though that quitting something your body is addicted to isnt that easy, he will need to be mentally prepared to get the addiction out of his system. But are you giving him money? Does he ask for loans from you? Stop giving him money when you feel you can't afford it.
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