A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello.Ok so i need some guy advice people!!I started being friends with a guy a year ago... We tried going on dated for a few months and flirted... And you know those looong profound conversations on the phone. Yep, We had those. And we always had a thing for eachother, but we just bout a month ago made our relationship official. We have been having soo much fun together!... We have wonderful conversation,and great physical chemistry. It was obvious that he was proud to be my man because he always held me close and made sure i was doing well at all times i did the same for him. We really like eachother n kno we can depend on eachother. But a few days ago he began acting different... Not paying much attention to me as usual...but still making sure im ok. Gettng mad for no reason...and last night. . . He broke up with me. He said "there is something that needs to be dealt with andi know you wouldnt approve of it. I dont wanna break up with u, but id do anything not to hurt you. I gotta get myself together then get back with u." then he went on about how its has nothin to do wit another woman. he said "i really like u and this situation could either destroy everything or mean nothing at all, but for now he is just being cautious" . Right now im so sad and confused. No tears are coming down cuz it seems like im desensitized to guys doing me wrong. I just never thought it would be him. He has become one of my best friends. Is he just playing a mind game to make himself NOT seem like the bad guy in this breakup? Or is something really going on that is bad? I would like to be there for him if there is a problem, but He wont tell me any information. Im a very intellegent beautiful woman who has self confidence... And i can walk away from this still being me... But he is asking me to wait. it's really hard not to wait when u love someone...but u dont understand what happened. when you dont understand how it went from bliss... To bull. Suddenly and without any signs. I dont want his to get the best of me. But i also dont want to misinterpret what he is saying. please help.i Would appreciate both female and male perpectives.Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): He needs to get his act together. You deserve to know what is going on. He can not ask you to wait for him unless he fills you in. A relationship builds on trust, honesty, working together on things and not working on things one on one. If he wants to work things through to be with you, he has to include you. You can not sit and wait when you dont even know what to wait for.
I think he is being a mess now. Clearly something has happened suddenly for him to flip around this way. At first I was guessing he made some other woman pregnant, but of he's honest about there not being another woman involved I don't know. However, things are the way they are now, and you need to decide what YOU want to do. Do you want to fight for him? Then get him to talk to you. Talk to his friends, maybe they know more. Also let him know that if he leaves you now, there is no guarantee you two will ever be together again. Feelings fade. New feelings grow for other people. AND: this incident can destroy the feeling you have for him if they have not already. So that even if you do get back together, you will never be able to trust him again. He can not play with your feelings.
If you don't want to fight for him, then gather up your thoughts and yourself and walk away without looking back. Him messing around with your head now means he could do it later on too. He's not exactly showing stability, which is also so important in a relationship.
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