A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my fiance and i have been together just over 1 year. we bought a house after 7mths together, got engaged about 3mths after that, and we wanna get married next june. He's 43 in december and i am 27. We love each other very much and are soulmates. Everything is perfect expect for my mother. Nothing is ever good enough for her. Nothing we do in the house is how she would do it, we dont do things that she expects us to do and she thinks he doesn't treat me right. She is also a big roman catholic and isn't happy i am marrying a divorced man. She says she'll try and be happy for us and still plan a wedding with me but she always manages to critisise him or me. She is always nice to him face to face but moans about him to me. I then tell him and he gets annoyed and upset with her. Last night was another example and it lead to him saying he wants nothing to do with her.He has tried very hard with her to be fair and I know she's unreasonable.....but she's my mum - how can i turn my back on her. My fiance said some really nasty things last night that now make me side with my mum....she's not that bad - just likes to look out for me.I'm stuck in the middle and dont know what to do. Any advice??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): You are sticking yourself in the middle. Instead of this being a problem between your mom and you, you dragged your fiancee into this. Sorry, but you have yourself to blame for this one. Why would you feel the need to go tell your fiancee all the bad things your mom said about him? Dont you realize it's hurtful to him? Your mom at least as the decency to NOT tell him face to face and to actually be NICE to him when she meets him. Its only to you she complains. So why did you tell him? The only good that came out of that was upsetting him, hurting his feelings, and causing him to feel resent towards your mother. So stop running to him with everything your mom says!
What your mom tells you she tells you, not him. Clearly, if she wanted him to know she'd tell him face to face. As unpleasant as this behaviour of hers is, it's something between you and your mom and NOT your fiancee!
As for you and your mother, there is little you can do. Except putting your foot down and telling her to either keep it to herself or not participate in the wedding. As for the relationship between your fiancee and your mom, that is now up to THEM to handle. Don't meddle.
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