A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is crazy! My fiance' and I have been together for a number of years. We have kids together and life is just what it is, life. We have great sex and have had a threesome in the past and the topic has come up to have another and possibly foursomes. Well, the other day she came home in the early morning hours and told me she had sex with a girl. Ok, where was I was the question. Then after later discussions she tells me the girl husband and his friend watched. Then later telling me her husband was having sex with his wife and the other guy was watching. How hard would it be to believe all this for anyone else? I am having a hard time with it, especially how the husband being involved was a late detail.
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 The problem is one of honesty and openness. I don't know what your rules are on foursomes, threesomes, etc. are, but she should be honest with you.
I suggest she may be afraid to be honest with you, and in that case you need to give her reassurance. If it turns out she had sex with the guy, I would not blow my top. Just let her know what the groundrules are and that you don't ever want her to lie to you again.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 There are open marriages, in this case both partners agree that the relationship is not exclusive. The two share a house and do other couple things but sex can be with anyone else besides the partner. The rules are often that the sex with others doesn't get overly committed and is kept seperate.
Swinging is different, the general agreement here is that BOTH partners go out and look for sex with others but together.
A three-some or more-some has different rules yet again, it typically involves both partners having sex with someone else at the same time.
The thing is that no matter how you arrange the sex rules in your relationship, there are rules and in general they must be followed strictly if problems are not to occur.
She seems to have broken several of them. She had a foursome without involving you while not in an open-relationship. This means she simply cheated.
She had sex with the woman alone while two men watched? Yeah right. Even if the husband was only with his wife, what did the friend do?
Basically, you have a cheating gf, the foursome is just details.
Unless you are okay with an open-relationship you got some thinking to do.
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A
male
reader, Jagz901  +, writes (16 July 2008):
What goes around comes back!! You never thought about the consequences when you started involving a 3rd person in what was suppose to be something between you two and now you are paying for it. Stop it before it stops you.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 I have the feeling that what is troubling you is the logical progression: first she said she had sex with a woman, THEN she says the woman's husband and a male friend were watching, which is a whole different thing, THEN she tells you the husband was having sex with his wife. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I think the part she's hiding is that she had sex with the husband while the other woman had sex with the other guy. Or all possible combinations.
I guess the hurtful part is that she had sex without you there, not the foursome. I would be in pain, too.
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