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male
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anonymous
writes: OK, here is my problem: I am 23 and my ex-fiancee is 21. We had been together for 5 and a half years when we had decided to take some time apart to spark things up a bit. We never agreed to break-up; in fact, I told her that it felt like she was breaking up with me and she said that wasn't her intent. Three days into the break I came home to find a series of notes explaning why she is breaking up with me. She split up our joint savings and gave me back the ring. Her reason is unclear to anyone that I talk to. 'I still love you, but I am not in love with you'. This doesn't make any sence to anyone that I talk to. We were devoted to each other. In the past month I have gone to see a therapist and have surrounded myself with friends, trying to let go of the past while still keeping a small amount of hope that she will reconsider. I have made no effort to talk to her for 4 weeks now. Then one night me and my best friend went to a club with five other women and guess who showed up? She came in and said that my friend told her to come (he denies it but no one else knew that we were there). She is acting incredibly wrong. She got a tattoo, something she talked me out of doing the last time we split (2.5 years ago) and acted really bitchy towards everyone finally stating that she had to go because she had a "date". I was furious at her for the way she was acting so I called her mother the next day to see what was going on with her. She got home 20 min. after she left and stayed there all night (she never lied before.)Found out later that night that she regretted going up there and that I shouldn't worry about her ever doing that again (her dad told me this). I don't know what to do about this. She isn't acting like herself. I still love her but don't think I would take her back if she didn't change back to the old her (I'm not waiting for her either). She is a nursing student and is making a lot of bad decisions with her life. How do I get through to her that she is being irresponsible and how do I get her to leave me alone long enough to heal and make an attempt to be her friend?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005): You seem very serious and someone who is strong and knows what you want. I guess that had scared her.
A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (24 December 2005):
Why do you think she is still interested in you? She sounds as though she is making up for some boring times and is now enjoying herself without you. Surely she has a right to go to places without you thinking she is chasing you. It sounds to me as though she still feels some affection for you, but not enough for a lifetime commitment. Accept that and move on.
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A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (24 December 2005):
Why do you think she is still interested in you? She sounds as though she is making up for some boring times and is now enjoying herself without you. Surely she has a right to go to places without you thinking she is chasing you. It sounds to me as though she still feels some affection for you, but not enough for a lifetime commitment. Accept that and move on.
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A
male
reader, ambiguous +, writes (24 December 2005):
This long commitment at a short age often scares guys away, but it can also scare girls away as well. Tattoos and wild things such as this are a sign of one who wishes to remain free and wild. Would be best to give it much time and make sure the next girl your with doesn't feel so overwhelmed by commitment. Write your feelings of brokedness down, it will release your pain and remind you of who you are as single person. You can't bottle a cure for broken hearts, but you surely can bottle up a broken heart, because this will hurt you in the long run.
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