A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm uncertain of how to deal with this. Thought I'd ask.My fiancee told me on Saturday that the coronavirus pandemic made her really question her priorities in life and realize life's too short to stay in Italy.She told me that she'd secretly been applying for jobs in the USA, and wanted to move to Manhattan ideally, and give our life a sort of reboot, start from scratch.She said she's applied to a McDonald's, an IT firm and a fashion modelling agency to be a model, and even if she has to work in McDonald's, said she'll be happy here.My fiancee claims things are better in America, none of the stupid arguments the EU has bickering between itself, less racist in some ways (she claims Italians/Austrians have it better in America, less chance of racism towards them, and no chance of a George Floyd-style police brutality incident) and a good place to bring up a future family when she leaves modelling.She's been a model since 2012, when she was 23 years old, officially that's her job; it's not exactly anything raunchy, just sports bras/leggings, comfy cardigans/jeans/skirts, catalogue stuff. She's paid well, but isn't a celebrity! She's not a name like Linda Evangelista or Karlie Kloss is, not even a B- or C-lister!I currently work in IT maintenance for a small local high school, been doing it since 2013. It's not an easy job at times, but a good job nonetheless.My main worries with moving are about if I could even get a visa to work there (although my qualifications in IT mean I could, theoretically) and anti-immigrant sentiment in America.FWIW, my wife claims she's seen on documentaries the "real" America.We don't have kids, and obviously my wife's job can't be done from home anyway, so moving wouldn't theoretically be a problem.It's just when America opens up again, will we even have a chance to live and work there?She said to me "We have to do this, it makes sense at our age".Isn't America in a bad light at the moment globally, regardless of COVID etc.?My wife is dead-set on Manhattan; she claims she'll be able to get into the social scene starting from scratch, get into their modelling industry well.I'm not so worried about infidelity (she gives a very firm "Esco gia con qualcuno!!" - I'm dating someone already - very loudly), even though she does somehow manage to remain slim despite often eating cream cakes, doughnuts, chocolate bars - it's more the issue of how we'll start from scratch.I had considered moving to America when I was 19, but in 2005 having read online about the realities, gave up on the idea, put it on ice.I can't say I'm not unhappy about this as obviously I'd researched it as a teenager, but I'm uncertain about this for financial/social reasons; I've got good job security.In general, should the need arise, is there a good community of Italian or at Austrian expats in Manhattan; my wife has dual Italian and Austrian citizenship as her mum is Austrian (normally dual citizenship isn't allowed in Austria, but if one parent's Austrian...).So you see, my biggest question is, if we did move to Manhattan - and there's no guarantee - what would be the advantages and disadvantages?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2021): Why did you state at the start she is your Fiance and then change it to wife?
People do move to other parts of the world but you either need very good savings or a very good job lined up, at least that's if you expect to live a promise of a good lifestyle that is.
It's like reading a child's wishes and dreams but there is no reality to it, sure I would love to move and live in Australia but I know that while it's not impossible I would sure have to have the money and a promised job and home lined up.
I won't give my thoughts on NY as other posters have covered that and ive never been. But it's much like London in that you need a pretty good disposable income if you want to live there and flourish.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2021): Why don't you and fiance go for a holiday say for a month, if you can afford it, just to assess the situation if you don't like you can return back to your life in Italy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2021): The whole idea sounds unrealistic, and not very well thought-out. Models are usually approaching the end of their careers once they reach their 30's; and only a chosen few continue their careers past that point. These are usually those with well-established careers; and even they are pushing it! That's when they become entrepreneurs, or switch careers.
A job with McDonalds will not pay the rent for a rat-trap the size of a closet; and the rats themselves will crowd her out of that!
She's not thinking straight. If she wants to move to NYC, she had better have a more realistic mindset about what she should expect.
By the time the pandemic is lifted and travel is less restricted; she'll be 31, or older. If she does move, she'll need more than one job; and amateur-modeling will not pay enough to survive living in the city. The competition is cutthroat for modeling jobs; and pretty girls with good-bodies come to New York by the hundreds. Once they get there, that's when the reality hits. Those without professional-skills and degrees wind-up with retail jobs, or as servers; and even those jobs are rare. On the low-end, some end-up street-walkers, or escorts. They don't all live like the character Carrie, in Sex And The City! It's a hustle and
a struggle. I'm not exaggerating!
I'm not trying to dampen her dreams, or upset you. I think she will survive if she's determined to. The problem is, she has to be more realistic. She's traveling across an ocean, to live in one of the most difficult cities to earn a living, and where rent is sky-high! If she can earn about $50k a year, she'll make it. New York City is exciting and a great place to live. Not if you're naive! Your survival and quality of living will depend on your hustle.
If she hasn't earned a name for herself in the modeling industry by now; it's very unlikely she will in New York at this last stage in the game.
This may only be an aspiration, which will probably change once she realizes how difficult it will be getting established, finding modeling jobs, and living in Manhattan. She seems quite naive for her age. She's been watching too many movies.
She's a grown-woman, and you can't tell her what to do. She may beat all odds, and things may go well for her. It's not impossible to live in NYC, just hard. Any native New Yorker will tell you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 April 2021):
 Your fiance is 32 years old, so on the "old" side of the modelling industry at least for those who make GOOD money. Also, models and actors/actresses are a dime a dozen in NY and LA. She will be competing for jobs with 14-20 year old hopefuls and for most jobs they might pick the younger.
Secondly, the housing market has more or less crashed in NY, so has a LOT of jobs.
Do you two have a sponsor? Can you afford the Visa? Can you find a job BEFORE going there (once you have a Visa) and I don't think.... McD is going to be a well enough paid job to buy food, pay rent, utilities and transport. Neither would a so-so modelling salary. The US has also a ton of so-called "influencers" who will model for next to nothing, getting paid in goods instead. So she would also compete with the whole scene of attention-"mongers".
I have a friend who got a scholarship to Parson's (Design school) and she had a "dorm room" but some of her American classmates lived in the tiniest apartments sharing with 6 people, none of them lived IN Manhattan. That was too expensive.
As for ex-pats - well, there are MANY Europeans living all over the States. So finding a group of "natives/ex-pats" for you, would probably not be too hard.
I can't see anyone being "racist" towards Italians but you never know. There are always morons out there.
|I think you two need to do a LOT more research. Maybe contact the Italian Embassy in NY and see what kind of info they have.
https://consnewyork.esteri.it/consolato_newyork/en
And the American Embassy in Italy
https://it.usembassy.gov/
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A
female
reader, CarrieSoa  +, writes (15 April 2021):
 I think your fiancé is living in a fantasy world. If she wants to make it as a well paid model then her age is against her. This is in no way disrespectful to her but the models in the industry that are in their 30's have been in the business at least 10-15 years by that point. If she had a selling point that no other model has then she would have been spotted by now and she can't sustain herself on the current salary she is earning as a model to live in NYC. McDonalds salary wouldn't cover basic living in New York. Is she depending on you to pay the bills? America at the moment is not shining positively. The racism is high, violence is high and living costs are high. NYC is dirty, loud and your quality of life would quickly diminish due to only working to cover the bills.London is very similar in costs. I live in London. I'm single and it took me 5 years of hard work and no life to be able to afford a nice place, in Highbury that is quiet and friendly plus close to work so I can walk. The basic living is paying rent which if you want to live alone starts at £1200. £1525 for a 2 bed for what I have. Then council tax, utilities, travel costs etc. Your outgoings can easily be £2000 before you can even feed yourself. I would sit your fiancé down and have a serious discussion. I wouldn't advise anyone to live in NYC let alone anywhere else in America at the moment.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (15 April 2021):
 Manhatten is extremely expensive. Your fiance will NEVER make it on McDonald's salary! My husband and I lived in Boston, Massachussetts and we thought it was expensive there. A small studio apartment there was $1500 if you didn't live RIGHT in Boston. He was offered his own laboratory (he's an MD) if we transferred to NYC. He jumped at the chance but we were floored at the huge increase of prices in EVERYTHING. We felt lucky to find a 400 sq foot studio apartment for @2400! It is REALLY hard to find places to live that don't cost an arm in a leg anywhere in NYC area. Everything is at least twice as high as most other cities. Parking spots? Forget about it. You either need mega bucks or starve half the time to live there. Your fiance better think things over VERY carefully. NYC is loud, dirty people EVERYWHERE and one of the worst places in the USA to live right now because of the pandemic. I convinced my husband to move to a smaller city in Florida and we are much happier. I love NYC but I wouldn't recommend moving there to anyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2021): Oh my.You better think long and hard.McDonald's really??That would not even begin just to cover your food there.You know there is a housing shortage in Manhattan.If you are lucky maybe you can find a small studio...one room apartment for three thousand a month or more.Is your wife already a famous established model where you live?If not forget new york.She thinks people will not be racist towards you????Ha Ha Ha.Another thing those visas cost a lot of money.You have a family.Are you very rich????Can you afford to spend thousands on health insurance per month??I really think your wife has no idea what so ever how it really is here.None at all and she is living right now in a dream world.If I were you I would keep the stable job you have because with that you can at least support your family.Maybe in the future you can vacation there but really there are many much nicer places you could visit here that cost less...but only vacation...keep your job.Also it is not as safe here as you think.
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