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female
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*uzs
writes:my fiance has just been disnosed with depression and now he says he wants to finish,but cant give me a reason,should i just except it or hang in there?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): For some reason, I get the impression that you're very young, so I' answer assuming so.
My husband was recently diagnosed with several mental disorders. Keep this in mind: it's VERY difficult going to keep up a relationship with someone who's mentally ill. Nothing ever makes sense or follows any kind of normal logic. Staying with him has required a very thick skin and much more patience than I ever thought I had.
You need to be honest with yourself. If you don't feel you're strong enough to "hang in there". then don't. There's no shame in it. You could hinder his recovery and get really hurt in the process.
If you feel like this is something you can handle, then do your research. Read everything you can find on his illness and steel yourself for a rocky road.
Best of luck - my heart goes out to you!
A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (27 March 2010):
You must decide what you want to do. You seem to me to be underwhelmed by his condition and if you have considered spliting up the relationship may not be enough or robust to work out?
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A
female
reader, lilacfox +, writes (27 March 2010):
 Hi,
Would love to speak to you some more as I have knowledge of this subject - but you've not stated much info in your post.
So, ok, going on what you've said Alone...
What would be your response if your Fiance had just been told he'd got Cancer? What if it was MS, ME, HIV, Bipolar, Schizophrenia...
I gather it's early days?
I am not into 2nd-Guessing and making Assumptions, but from what you say, maybe he thinks You are better off Well Out Of It?
Have you two actually sat down and talked properly?
Depression is just another illness. It doesn't mean that he is some kind of nutter and it doesn't mean that he is ready to go lie on the scrap-heap and wait for some chav arsonist to come play.
I know with some fellas it's difficult when the illness is seemed to be "emotional" as they don't GO there do they?!
Without more elaboration on your part, and without knowing his side, all I can say is - TALK.
TALK to each other.
Ask him this: if you had gone for a smear or summat and it had come back dodgy, would he rather just leave you to it, or would he rather stick by you?
If he just needs some space to get his head around it, then ask him if thats what he needs.
Ask him to come on here and message me if you like, I've dealt with these kind of issues for over 20 years.
But at the end of the day, its COMMUNICATION.
If you ain't got that between you, then :S
please feel free to message me back if you need - and I hope things go ok for you both - take care xx
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A
female
reader, pinkladieee +, writes (27 March 2010):
i think that you need to support his depression and help him through that without thinking about the marriage/engagement. this will only add extra stress. on the other hand going through with an engagement and a life time together on such fragile grounds already does seem a struggle. if i was in your shoes i would first think of number 1 (thats you) just because you have to in this world. what is it YOU really want, do you want to be tied to this gentleman all your life if he is having doubts, or do you think it will make you stronger and happier if you help him. but think of what YOU want.then think about him, should you help him, is it your duty or is it because you love him that you want to see it through.if he doesn't know why he wants to break off the engagement it is because he is confused and may be scared of the commitment. if that is that case may be think of saying that though engaged to dont aim to be married in the next year, just look at it as a symbol of love and togetherness.i hope i have not droaned on, and i hope that you find peace and happiness.it is bloody hard i know, i am going through a rough patch too, but hold on in there, things always work out, they just take time, effort and sometimes a little bit of pain.keep me posted :)x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Your fiancé is sick at the moment and in no fit state to be making life-changing decisions in spite of what he says. I think you should be there for him on the periphery as a support until his medication and/or counselling kicks in and he can make a well-informed decision. He may still want to break off your engagement but at least he will be making that decision when in a better state than he currently is.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): I think that if he will not stay by your isde he is not the right one for you
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 March 2010):
 Your fiance wants you to be happy but regrets he can't be that person now. Has he been visiting the psychiatrist? Tell him whenever he's ready for love again you will welcome him back. Check up on him once in a while but be patient and not force him to get well quickly. If you accept that he's going though the dark night of the soul, it will make him accept his condition more easily than if you are pitying him. He will get well one day. If you can ride through this storm your relationship will come out even stronger.
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