A
female
age
,
*onetta
writes:my fiance just walked out on me because I don't agree with him only paying 300 month in work trade after we are married. I own my house (1000 plus utility's) and he would have no right's to my estate. He also said I would have to pay him money if he worked over the 300. It just does'nt sound like a husband/wife relationship to me. should I agree to this?????
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Yeah, but a normal husband would get something out of contributing. He wouldn't. He would contribute to your mortgage which you are making him sign off on not getting a piece of.
Honestly, it doesn't sound like a good situation. I can understand your motivations, and I think they are noble. It doesn't sound like this relationship really is that important to you. I don't know why you'd want to get married given what you've told us here.
A
female
reader, tonetta +, writes (19 January 2011):
tonetta is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno, you see, it was his idea to only do work in trade of rent (or utility's). he work's part time to pay his child support and other bill's., that's it! just does'nt seem like just because it's MY mortgage that he should'nt contribute like a normal husband. thank's
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A
female
reader, tonetta +, writes (18 January 2011):
tonetta is verified as being by the original poster of the question yes, a pre-nump that he's agreeing to. I want my house to be inherited to my two (adult) kid's should anything happen, and have worked very hard to acheive this. the reason for getting married is because we love each other, & (see below). but that doe'snt matter now since he walked away (fuming). You are right, a business arrangement, the joke is he is pressuring me to get married because of a religious cult he joined, (sex before marriage is a definate no no !) what a mess.... thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): yes, a pre-nup, which he's happy to comply. Iv'e worked hard to get my house almost paid off and would like my two (adult) children to inherit it. He's pressuring me to get married anyway, because of a religious cult he's joined recently) , (unmarried sexual relationship is a no no)..... what a mess!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): I don't know who brought up the $300 work/pay scheme, but I suspect that it was you. He may not have walked out because he disagreed with you, but it's very likely that he walked out because you stipulated a sum for his living in your house. To him, it may be offensive that you attached an extracurricular job and wage to his living with you. It's suspect it's not the disagreement over the amount so much as the bean counting itself that bothers him.
I've never formally lived with anyone (apart from housemates), and I 've never been married, but the way I see it, if someone lives with you, it should be 50/50.
Perhaps ask him for $500 and dispense with the work/trade. Who wants to return from work only to go to another job again in their homes? If he fails to do something like wash the dishes will you literally, raise his rent in a punitive kind of way?
If he doesn't have the money, have you considered supporting him if he's seeking education or work...if you love him and have plans to marry him, it's not such a crazy idea.
Either way, if you have to stipulate sums because you can't trust that he will pull his end or he's such a liability, he doesn't sound like marriage material anyway.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 January 2011):
What? He's saying you should pay him to live with you? No, that's not how marriage works. Are you doing a prenup? Most states are marital property, so the minute you get married, half the house is his anyway. You might want to look into that.
Why would you want to get married if you're so concerned about this stuff. This sounds more like a business arrangement rather than a marriage.
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