A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:through it being a shared comupter and my fiancee not deleting her history as she usually does. ive found shes visited a lot of sites like this one and talked about leaving me for her lover. i dont want to lose her. im disabled- i can walk slightly but its very painful and slow going so i normally use a wheelchair- so i could never satsify her like her boyfriends do but i try to be a good partner, i buy her flowers and things all the time. im petrefied that my kids will be taken away because i know i wont be able to care for them on my own if she leves. sometimes it takes me 30-40 minutes to get up in the morning through my muscles just being stiff and being in pain. i could get somebody to help me but i need that bit of independence. i know its nothing to anybody else but being able to get up and get myself dressed means a lot to me. i cant leave her because i dont have many friends and im noto close to the few i do have and my family lives in america. im also quite relient on being in our house because it has handrails and easy access. anywhere else im lost and the house is hers. i dont want to leave anyway, i want to sort it oout. ive been crying over this all morning- im not ashamed to admit that. i love my fiancee and my kids dearly. how can i be a bette rpartner so we can make this work?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): thanks. i just realised ive sent the same thing to this site twice. except the second one is way more rambling. my fiancee being like that story thoguh is going totally over my head, sorry, i dont tend to get things like that, just the way my brain works or doesnt work i suppose.
its not that shes contemplating going. its her house so its me that meant to be going but ive been with her for 16 years, i dont want to just give up on it all because we have had some great times together.
i know government resources are available but ive been like this for 18 years and im pretty much ok with lookig after myself. its just that were i left to look after our children i know i wouldnt be able to cope.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): I really feel for you in this situation. but the sad truth is this woman is not good enough for you. having a disability has nothing to do with it, you are no less of a person than anyone else in fact you are courageous and determined to get out of bed every day and try to live your life normally. I think you should say something to her however, about how you have seen her emails to sites like this. let her know you're no pushover. I wish you all the best and remember you WILL meet someone in time.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (27 September 2007):
 I agree with the other answer. Do you remember Christopher Reeves? Played superman in the movies. He became a quad, in a wheel chair began regaining some feeling right before he passed from the infections he got after surgery? I really believe his wife when she said she never once cheated on him, and stuck by his side through everything because love is much greater than the need for having sex. That's true love.
This one sounds like your girlfriend (true story): Man and women get together, they fall in love, everything is perfect. He asks her to marry him. She said yes, but under one condition, they waited until their was a donor with a good pair of eyes so she could see him. He agreed
The next month she got a call stating the hospital found a donor. She got all set up for surgery, had the surgery, and when she was able to see, she found out her boyfriend was blind. She was shocked and said "I'm sorry, I can't marry you. I couldn't see myself being with someone who is blind." His reply was "I understand". He was upset, turned around and walked out. As he was walking out, her mother was walking in. She asked her daughter, "what's wrong with him" she rolled over and said "I don't want to talk about it." Her mother then asked, "Did you get the chance to thank him for donating his gift of sight, so you may see?"
Some people are selfish minded. They don't care who they hurt as long as they are satisfied. Disabled or not, she has no right to cheat on you. This relationship is with you, not with whoever else decides to join her little group. You are much better than that. I would check your government resources to see what's available. In this case, sometimes we do our part, but the other person decides to do what's not good relationship behaviors. Don't let you being disabled make you believe you have to settle for less.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): Hello, I am so sorry you are going through this... ANd crying is nothing to be embarrassed about. I would say you need to talkto her and tell her how you feel. But if she still wants to leave let her go... PLease do not become dependant on her, just like you found her, and feel in love, you will meet someone who loves you just for you despite your disability, which we all have to some degree. I hope I have helped....Have a wonderful day
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (27 September 2007):
 my heart goes out to you but also part of me wonders why the urgency to save a relationship dead in the water?
you are worth more than your cheating fiancee and yuor disability doen't disregard your feelings. what you need to do id show her you're not going to be walked over by anyone and tell her you want her to chose and my guess is it'll be the other guy, if she's contemplating going, let her.
you'll find happiness with someone justifiable of your love and to hell with her, she doesn't respect you and therefore doesn't deserve you.
your kids will always love you unconditionally.
take care
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