A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Im after a nuetrals point of view on my dilemma so i thought i would ask you.Ive been going out with a girl for about 4 months now shes 22 im 28 just before i got with her she was still in a 2 year relationship but going through breaking up but was finding it hard to do so as he lived with her and her mum, she lost a lot of weight and was very depressed.When i come on the seen she said she was breaking up and i was her type , i could see she really liked me. she said when she met me it made it easier for her to split so i made sure we didnt do anything till she broke up.she finally split up then we got together and it was great for a couple of months or so until the ex started ringing her and texting her making her cry.I soon got the hump and asked her to delete his number or change her number but she refused point blank saying thay were still friends and she felt a bit guilty the way thay split she also said she wouldnt go back to him.We broke up for a few days then got back together and the first thing she said was "im not going to delete his number you are gonna have to deal with it".I am trying to respect her wishes but i had to be sure she didnt want him back and done a stupid thing, i looked through her phone and found a text from him saying "do you fancy meeting for lunch xx" and she had phoned him back.I no its not hard evidence but i feel like crap about it and its eating me up inside, i want to confront her but dont want her to push me away over argueing about this again.Maybe its me being too jealous??Did we get together too soon?Am i wrong to ask her to cut all contact with her ex?orShould i just go with it?thanks in advance
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): ex's will always have a 'more than friend' status so that doesn't work. i've tried it (been on both ends of the spectrum).
yes you got together too soon but now you ARE together so not much you can do about that now can you? (most people do get together too soon so it isn't just you)
you have a reason to be jealous bro, they were together for 2 years.
to put it blunt, you can go from 2-years-of-relationship-screwing to a 'just' being a friend. simply cannot happen. hell yea you have every right to ask her and dont let her tell you otherwise.
in my opinion i think if she wants to be friends and wont back down from it, she will screw ya over in the end with her so-called friend...
she obviously doesnt care what you think bc she will use the power of the P and do it anyways...
sorry she is cheating on you....yes i said that. :-(
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): Honestly that is a simple request and not enough time has gone by for her to see him as just a friend. Maybe a year or two later the can be friends again but not now its too soon and it complicates your relationship with her. She should be happy to cut of all contact with him....at least for now.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (27 September 2007):
 Jealous, yes and no. Yes because you took the lunch and pictured the worse that could happen, instead of just eating lunch. No because you deserve respect in your relationship. Her comment, just deal with it, is a disrespectful comment. I would have said, no wonder why you and the ex broke up.
I think you got together too soon. She apparently has some baggage she came with and kindly brought you into it. Another thing is "your her type" how long did you know each other? You can't really look at someone and tell if they'd be your type. They may look good. They may be up for some naked fun, but until you get to matching personalities and behaviors there is no way in telling if your compatible. Anyone can have sex, even though they have that going for them, it doesn't mean they can survive a relationship together.
If she wants the relationship to work with you, she needs to pull some respect out of her rear and extend it to you. It seems like she's saying, I want to be with you, but it's going down my way, no matter how you feel. With that attitude, it's not going to work out. What's been going on will continue.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (27 September 2007):
 Here's what I think: She got emotionally involved with someone too soon after her break up. She is not over her ex and will not stop the contact even if you ask her, as she has already stated. Which means, there's a good chance she will go back to him if he wants her bad enough. Hopefully he will not. But the fact that she is refusing to budge on this issue, and is clearly meeting him for lunch etc. is not a good sign. She is confused and still an emotional wreck over the break up. You will not be successful if you make too many demands too soon. She is probably glad she has you, but probably does not yet know what she feels for you entirely because of the baggage with her ex. Perhaps instead of making demands, ask her if she realizes how manipulative he's being and that it's keeping her from moving forward with someone else (you) and it's causing you to mis-trust her. These statements might wake her up and help her realize she needs to move foward not backward in this break-up process. I also don't know who broke up with whom. Did she break it off? Or did he? That also makes a difference, because if he's the one who left, then she may have unresolved feelings about how they ended the relationship etc. You may have to be prepared to back off and not be with her until she figures out when/if she's ready to be with someone else. Good luck.
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