A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-has-lied-and-cheatedand-yet-can-be.htmlAbove is a link to my situation. I am still with my fiance. I am writing this to tell all women to GET OUT when someone cheats. IF you read the above, and think I am stupid for staying, you are right. Last weekend, my fiance kissed my best friend. My best friend is someone who HATED him for what he did to me. With time, he earned my trust back as well as hers. They became friends. He even worked out with her and spent time with her without me there. I completely trusted them together, thinking he would never cheat again and ESPECIALLY not with my best friend. So when she called me last weekend needing a ride home from the bar and I was laready half asleep, I ask my fiance to go pick her up. She had ran into a guy she'd been seeing and he completely "snubbed" her infront of everyone at the bar and so naturally she was very upset (I didn't know she was upset at all at the time or I would have gone and gotten her myself. I just thought she was drunk and needed a ride home). My fiance had been out at a bar that night but he was home with me when she called. I ask him to go pick her up for me and he went back downtown to pick her up. According to him, he was very drunk, but when he came home, we had a conversation and he seemed fine. THen she called and he left to pick her up. I fell asleep and about 2 hours later, my friend called me crying saying somethign about how she kissed my fiance when he picked her up b/c she was so upset and so happy to see a familiar face. I was half asleep so I said okay and went back to bed! I thought she meant she gave him a big kiss on the cheek or something.The next morning I wake up to her knocking on our door. My fiance answers and she comes in crying saying she has to talk to me. Again, I had JUST woken up so what she was about to tell me didn't really register. It was the very very last thing I was ever expecting to hear. Everything between my fiance and I had been wonderful since the horros of my last post. She proceeeded to tell me that when my fiance had taken her home the night before that he said he wanted to go inside her apartment with her to amke sure she was okay because she was crying a lot and very upset about this guy she saw at the bar. This was not unusual to me or to my friend at the time. She said they sat on the couch for awhile and she cried and talked and he listened. She then she said she fell asleep on the couch and when she woke up, my fiance was still there (how long she was asleep/passed out for i don't know). She says he then said he should help her get to bed and walked her into the bedroom and laid down with her. She said they were talking and he kissed her. THey kissed for over a minute, so I guess you would call it making out. And she said during this time he was pushing her hands toward his crotch. She says she then stopped what was happening and they were both like "what the hell did we just do." She says my fiance then said "well ______ isn't going to marry me anyways." which he thinkgs bc I don't want to get married until I"m done with medical schoool or atleast in for a year or two. She also said he said something about how I fooled around on him in the beginning of our relationship.His story is totally different. He says she invited him into her apartment, and that SHE asked HIM to come with her in her bedroom to talk before she went to sleep. He claims that he never moved her hands toward his crotch, but that he moved them off of his chest. He admits to the kiss and to saying those two awful things afterwards. They were both very drunk the night it happened so I hear from people who were out at the bar with them. Neither of them gave me the full story from the beginning. At first, I thought it was a drunken kiss that lasted for a few seconds on the couch. Neither told me how long the kiss was and where it took place. I had to ask about those details.Now as you can see from the post I cited, my boyfriend has cheated and lied before. I know my friend to be very honest. However, it seems odd that she "fell asleep on the couch" and he would just follow her into the bedroom andd lay down with her. Also, I know she gets very slutty when she is drunk. She is the girl you see making out with guys she just met at the bar and she is prone to one night stands. I don't know who to believe. I feel like I should believe her, but it hurts so bad to. My problem is that my fiance and I live together. I want to break things off, but we are in a lease together for 3 more months. I could stay with friends, but why should I have to do that when he messed up? I have given him chance after chance and he keeps messing up. There is no excuse anymore. I want him out of my life before I start medical school this coming august. Any advice would help and thank you for reading.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): It doesnt matter which one of them you believe, they are both basically saying they kissed and laid in bed together and there were some hands moving around. You can not trust your fiancee after this. Your friend is slutty, yes, but in a way she works as the perfect "trap" for any guy of yours. A taken man has to be able to keep it in his pants, no matter what!
They were both drunk, it puzzles me why you would send him out driving when drunk? He could have ended up in an accident. Never drink and drive, remember that!
Now what you do is that you move out, unless you can pay the bills alone. If you can pay them alone, then tell him to move out. Or maybe he can crash at a friends place and still pay his part of the bills. You have to sit him down and discuss the practical sides of moving out. Yeah I know, it's not fun, but it has to be done.
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (9 February 2010):
 Be quick, free yourself from these both: your boyfriend [fiance] and best friend. They both are sailing in the same boat, so let them go, and make your life with better choice. A bad relation can ruin all comfort of life. So please be determinative. You sound rational [honest with fact] intelligent, where as they are opportunist and cheap, almost without any moral sense. I think, very bright future is awaiting for you, there in medical line, so be calm and cold, and calculative about choice of relationship, it should be good and creative personality.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 February 2010):
Whatever happened between your fiance and best friend is now irrelevant. You could sit there analysing everything, and you will still not know what the truth is. So first of all stop looking for the truth and accept what has happened. The point of all this is now your fiance has entirely proved that he is worthless and hasn't changed at all. And it's time to move on. You now live together, and you don't want to move. He won't either. So that's another 3 months up putting up with him. Personally, I think you are much better just moving out and living with friends at this moment. Don't sit there in anger waiting for him to move out and arguing with him. It will end with you in tears. This is a man who has cheated several times. Do you think he cares about how you feel? You've given it all, now just run. Leave him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): Oh, my dear, I read your posts and I nearly cried. You have been through such a lot in the last few months, and you sound like you are on the verge of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion. The situation you're in is messy and overwrought in all sorts of ways, and what strikes me most is that you need a period of quiet and calm to get your head around what has happened, to rest, to rationalize the situation, and to get ready to move on with a new life which will hopefully be far happier.
First of all - and this is obvious, but it bears restating - your guy is no good. Not only is he unfaithful, he's also lacking in basic compassion, and he's not taking proper care of you. He's clearly not pulling his weight practically or emotionally in this relationship. You're completely correct that leaving is the right thing to do. And now sounds like a good time - go off, go to medical school, learn to be a kickass doctor, and I'm sure you'll soon meet someone much more suited to an ambitious, clever, vibrant person like yourself.
As for the three months remaining on the lease - I think you need to get away from this guy straight away. You can try and persuade him to leave, but if he's not going to listen to you, I think you should move. I know it's not fair and just, and that rightfully he should up sticks, and blah blah blah. But ultimately, the important thing is to keep yourself safe and happy and learn to live without him. If that means staying with friends, so be it. I think the weight that you'll feel lifted from your shoulders as you embrace life again will make up for the inconvenience. There's nothing worse than being stuck in a space with an ex-partner, particularly when the relationship has ended acrimoniously. Not only are there constant arguments, but you don't have the space to deal with the feelings and natural grief that the end of the relationship can bring - which results in messy, traumatic breakups. Get outta there!
As for your friend - I would give yourself a bit of a break from her, too. Drunk or not, what she did was wrong, and she does bear some responsibility for the situation. I would like to think that if my best friend's guy kissed me, however much alcohol I'd consumed, I'd push him away pretty sharply, not lead him into another room and wait around for him to grope me. Clearly, you need space to figure out how you feel about her - and your relationship probably won't be the same again, even if you can forgive her.
Try to have a quiet time. Look after yourself: relax, eat well, listen to calming music, get plenty of sleep and let yourself cry when you need to. It will hurt like crazy for a while, but it will get better. My thoughts are with you.
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