A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have a pretty big dilemma. Let's call my boyfriend- B Question. What should I do with my relationship? I feel stuck.The past six months or so I can't help the feelings, or lack thereof I feel towards B. We have been together for more than 3 years and nearly two years of which were a long distance relationship (the first 6 months we were not and then we were a long distance relationship up until about 7 months ago). Since things have changed back to a regular relationship I don't know how I feel. I met my boyfriend when I was young, still in high school. We dated then he graduated, went off to college, then I graduated, went off to a different college, and now we are at the same college. I have grown up so much since I met him and I think we are naturally growing apart in a sense. After have a long distance relationship during this crucial time where I matured so much, I feel very torn being with him constantly. For so long I was used to seeing him every couple of weeks, on breaks and in the summer. Now that I see him so often it has really been making me change how I view our relationship. Since he was away all the time I was used to this very large freedom to hang out with friends and pretty much do what I pleased. Now that we are together like this, I feel like I can't make any new friends and that when I hang out with old friends (since most of them did not know him very much) it is awkward and uncomfortable and often feels (very mildly, but nonetheless) interrogation when my bf meets some of my guy friends for the first time.Lately (past 6 months!), I honestly just keep day dreaming every so often about being single. I honestly love my boyfriend. But having my space and being single seems so much more appealing. I don't know how to tell him this cause every time we have tried to talk about it I feel pushed into a wall since he won't take a break with me and get back together. Has having a long distance relationship for so long really ruined my chance at having a normal one with him?What do I do?
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a break, get back together, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): I'm not so sure this is about how a long distance relationship has ruined your chances for a "normal" one. I don't think that is the case. It sounds to me like you may both have simply grown apart. I haven't been in the same situation as you, but I was once dating a guy and experienced similar feelings. Although I cared about him very much, I wanted to be single. It seemed very appealing, and I often wished I was. But I felt torn, because I didn't want to hurt my boyfriend, and wasn't even sure if I wanted to leave him.
Asking if you can take a break was a good idea, I think. But he is not happy with that, which is also understandable. How do you feel about other guys? Do you feel any attraction towards anyone else? Or not? (By the way, I'm not trying to imply that you are interested in anyone else!) What I'm trying to get at is, do you think you want to be single, and are just not interested in a relationship at the moment - or, are you just not interested in having a relationship with your boyfriend? This might help you pinpoint whether it is actually that things have drifted apart between the two of you.
It could be that you prefer a relationship in which you have a great deal of freedom, and that is fine. But if you don't think you will get that freedom and space you long for in this relationship, then it may be that it won't work. There is really no "normal" relationship, only what works for each individual couple. So maybe you both have different needs in a relationship.
I think you need to think about this, and maybe try and have an honest talk with your boyfriend about how you feel. It might be hard, but I think it could be what is needed to figure out what is happening here.
I hope it all works out well for you. x
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 February 2010):
He is right not to take a break and get back together with you. No man wants to be hanging there in limbo while the woman he loves is off with other men. Having and LDR may have very much made this relationship harder to stay with at the moment. That doesn't mean without work that it can't be fixed though. Of course it will be an interrogation when your guy friends meet him. That's what protective guy friends do. This is something that can be worked on if you tell him that you're feeling distant and need to put effort into it. However, if you feel that you really do want to be single, then you have to end it, and no matter what, move on from him. In fairness to him, you can't expect him to break and be hanging there. If you really want to be single, just end it.
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